


What the Water Gave Me

by larryatendoftheday



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Bisexual Harry Styles, Blow Jobs, Dry Humping, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Mermaids, Minor Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles, Pansexual Harry Styles, Queer Themes, Recreational Drug Use, Self-Harm, Songwriter Harry Styles, all family members are alive, cara/ashley, harry wonders if he is crazy, louis has some self esteem issues, mermaid louis tomlinson, niall is a good best friend, not relevant to plot but he does mention it, references to, references to ziam, the violence is brief self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:41:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 28,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24831775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larryatendoftheday/pseuds/larryatendoftheday
Summary: When a mermaid crawls out of the sea and into Harry’s life, it changes everything. Suddenly he has a secret, and it’s a precarious balance between two worlds
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 13
Kudos: 113
Collections: One Direction Big Bang Round 3





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by how very gay mermaids are. The Little Mermaid is based on [Hans Christian Anderson's story written about his star-crossed love affair with another man ](http://rictornorton.co.uk/andersen.htm). This story was also inspired by my experiences in closeted relationships. Feeling like you have to hide who you love is incredibly hard. While writing, I realized this is also a great metaphor for trans people. If anyone sees their own gender experiences in this work, I want you to know I see you and love you.  
> In short, this fic is for the gays. Happy pride. <3 
> 
> The gorgeous artwork was created by @larryscurves. I feel so lucky to have worked with her! Thank you to her and my betas @sunshineandthemoonlight and @userkant for helping me bring this to life.
> 
> This is my first big bang, and it was a real work of love to finish during this crazy time, but I did it!! If you catch any errors, please shoot me a message. These are two playlists I listened to while working on this: [ Bittersweet ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3zPMFP5yBNrvw595oZdBNL?si=q6QkYeFrRoK2egIbSId-wQ) and [ Mermaid ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1ZjdiVkwKNxhwZnq2rmfjj?si=yifA0o0mRdybVS1dqrzJSQ). Also I wrote this before Cara and Ashley broke up so please forgive me for making them so lovesick. And sorry for making the sun rise out of the wrong ocean. OOPS.
> 
> Most importantly, PLEASE ENJOY and subscribe if you wanna read the epilogue!

Louis let the waves carry him. He couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe. Everything hurt. The moon was full and bright, refracting off the water and making his eyes sting. It was the only way he knew he was real.

He should have seen this coming, should have known this could never work. Still, he waited, watching the shore day and night. Harry never came to take it back.

He was weak from lack of food and rest. Liam found him clinging to the rock where he used to hide before he ever met Harry, back when he just watched. Liam brought food and stayed with him for hours. When he left, he promised to assure Louis’ mother that he was okay.

Louis was grateful for that, but he also found it funny. Liam had stared, bewildered, as he laughed, body shaking and head aching at the movement. He was absolutely not okay. In the mermaid story humans knew, mermaids could turn into sea foam from sadness. He wondered if that would happen to him. 

He sang his pain into the night sky, feeling the notes reverberate through his bones in that familiar way. Harry had been so intrigued, so amazed, when Louis sang for him... but that hadn’t been enough.

~~~

**8 months earlier**

The sun was rising over the water, mist starting to shrink back, when it happened again. A loud splash interrupted the steady rhythm of waves. Harry’s strides faltered as he turned to scan the water.

He heard weird splashes every morning these days, and he would give anything to know what they came from. But the waves rolled against the beach just the same as always, unwilling to give up their secrets. Shaking his head, he tried to focus on running along the sand with good form.

It was just _strange_ how consistently he heard splashes with no visible cause. Ever since he was little, he found those sounds exciting because they had signaled a fish jumping, a struggle, or something else interesting but explainable occurring just out of sight in the water. His mom and him would look eagerly for the cause of every little splash in the pond by his house, but the ocean was different. He didn’t know it as well, but he did know that _something_ was causing those splashes.

His mind drifted to possible explanations. Its frequency and how close it was to the shore were part of what made it so odd. Maybe it could be—

Another splash interrupted his brainstorming. He whipped his head toward the water and saw something shimmering curve up near the surface, just for a moment, before slipping back down into the darkness of the water.

It had been large and reflected blue and green under the light. Questions raced through his head. What type of big fish was that color? Why would it come this close to the shore? What was it looking for?

Harry realized he was standing still staring at the water. Closing his eyes, he smiled. Finally, he had something to work with. The rest of his run home he felt unstoppable.

~~~

“Haz, you really need to restock your fridge. This is all green!” Niall called from the kitchen. “Where are your snacks?”

“I have carrots and garlic hummus in there,” Harry called back, shaking his head. Rustling and the squeal of drawers made it clear that wasn’t an acceptable option for Niall.

Harry was fine with his rummaging, though. He was using this break in their writing session to compose a Reddit post asking for help identifying the fish. All his googling hadn’t turned up much. The fish had been at least a foot long by his estimation, and all the coastal fish descriptions were for little fish and other, smaller sea creatures. His tongue was between his lips, brow furrowed in concentration, as he typed.

“Whatcha working on?”

Harry looked up to see Niall balancing a bowl of gelato, a fizzy water, and another bowl of veggie straws. “Just trying to figure something out,” he said, waving his hand and sighing.

“Yeah? Like how to have good snacks in your house?”

“No.”

“Because I think you should look that up.” Niall raise his eyebrows meaningfully.

“Niall, I let you come here because I have a studio and then let you eat all my food without complaining.”

“So you should really be better prepared.”

Harry rolled his eyes but laughed good naturedly. “You’re right. Please forgive me.”

“I left a list on the fridge,” Niall said around a mouthful of gelato. “Oh—oh—cold—it’s cold!”

“I have no sympathy.” Harry turned back to his computer, reviewing what he’d written one last time.

Niall, apparently having recovered from the cold, spooned more gelato into his mouth. “This is good, mate.” When Harry didn’t respond he added, “So…what _are_ you working on?”

Harry sighed, rubbing at his temple. “I’ve been trying to figure out what’s making these splashes near the shore while I run. It happens every day—sometimes even more than once—and I just need to know what it is.”

“Huh. You sure it’s not the waves?”

“No, that’s the thing, it’s way too loud and distinct. I saw something the other day though. It was huge, like a big fish.”

“Ooh, a shark, maybe?” Niall said around a mouthful of gelato.

“Nah, it was scaled and shimmery.”

“Probably just some fish on the hunt for little fishes or Harry toes.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Seriously, though. It happens so consistently, and I really want to understand it. I’m posting on Reddit to ask the fish nerds, but you’ve lived by this ocean longer than me. Do you have any ideas?”

Niall pursed his lips thoughtfully around his next spoonful of gelato. “Honestly, I can’t think of seeing or hearing about anything like that.”

“Ugh. I can’t stop thinking about it.” He sighed and stared down at the post on his screen. It was good enough, he thought as he posted it. “I hope someone can give me a good answer.”

“Fingers crossed.”

Harry nodded and closed his laptop. “Okay, so back to work?”

Niall climbed onto the piano bench and played a few chords. “I think this is what we were working with for the bridge.”

“Right. Should this to be where we admit how we actually feel?”

“Yes! I love when the bridge is the opposite of what the rest of the song is about.”

Harry flipped back a page in his notebook. “So far we keep saying we hate this town. So now is when we get a bit nostalgic and accept how much we treasure it.”

“Well, maybe we value the people and traditions, the unique recipes….” Niall trailed off.

“You miss it.”

“It’s not the same when I go back. They don’t know me. It’s not my place anymore.”

“Maybe the verse should be about that, then. It should be about how you know these are your people, your home.”

“Okay. I like it.” Niall grinned. “It’s a complete 180.”

“But we should write another song about what it’s like to go back to a place that used to be yours.”

“If anyone would want that, then yeah.”

“Oh hush. I’m sure someone would want that.”

Niall tossed a veggie straw at Harry’s head. “The next song we write is you being vulnerable, okay?”

Laughing, Harry nodded. “Sure thing, Nialler.”

Harry forgot his phone and the weird fish in the flurry of creativity that followed. It was only when Niall was leaving, with the whole gelato container in hand, that he remembered to check.

Unfortunately, Reddit was not helpful. People had responded, but Harry couldn’t recognize any of the photos they shared. None of them felt right. So every morning he ran along the shore, listening and looking, waiting for his chance.

It happened after his run, in the end. He had shucked off his shoes and socks and walked into the tide’s path. He was relaxing, toes dug into the sand as the water rushed cool and salty over his feet, when he caught sight of something something just ahead. He dove into the water before he even knew what he was doing, but a sudden upheaval of sand made it impossible for him to see. He surfaced, sputtering and blinking bits of it out of his eyes. There was nothing.

He waded back to shore, chagrined and disappointed, and pulled his phone from his pocket with a sigh. Saltwater was an exception to the waterproof feature, which he always found fucking ridiculous, especially now that it was undoubtedly corroding the inside of his device.

He felt silly, standing all alone on the shore, soaking wet and covered in sand, his gym shoes and phone dripping. That feeling magnified when he heard a laugh, sharp and clear. He whirled around, looking along the shore but saw no-one.

Another laugh rung out as he stumbled, brow furrowed. He _swore_ he saw a glimpse of the same glittery scales beneath the waves. He felt absolutely insane.

He walked home barefoot, carrying his shoes and what was left of his dignity. Niall let himself in hours later and found him sitting on his couch staring at the wall.

“Mate, you okay?” he asked as he plopped down.

“Niall,” Harry said slowly.

“Yep, that’s me. Did you get high without me?”

“No. I just….” Harry turned to look at his friend. “What type of sea creature laughs like a human?”

Niall rocked back on his heels and chuckled. “Okay, I’m gonna need some of the kush to catch up with you on that one.” He looked around as if expecting to see a bong tucked behind a chair. “Did you do acid instead? Cause I’m not sure that’s for me.”

Harry raked his hands through his hair agitatedly. “No, Niall, I didn’t take anything. Is there a creature that laughs like a human? Parrots can sound like us, right?”

Niall narrowed his eyes. “Yeah, parrots are kinda unique though. Is this about that big fish again? You should ask Reddit or an actual marine biologist.”

Harry nodded, hand clapped over his eyes like he couldn’t bear to look at Niall. “I swear I heard it laugh today. There was no one else at the beach.”

“And you definitely haven’t taken anything?”

“No.”

“I bet there was just a kid in the grass.”

“Okay.” Harry didn’t want to keep talking when he sounded so crazy. Niall had come over to work anyway. “Let’s write a song about feeling high when you’re not.”

“Like when you stare at art for too long,” Niall mused, amused by the sudden change in topic.

“Or when you’re floating in the ocean and you feel like you don’t exist….”

“Yeah, I like it. We can give it a psychedelic spin.”

Harry heaved himself off the couch with a forced grin and gestured toward the studio. “Let’s get into it.” As soon as Niall’s back was to him, a frown returned. He would post on Reddit, but either there was something pretty odd going on, or he was losing it. It was probably the latter.

~~~

Being a songwriter could be rather lonely, even if he was lucky enough to have a partner. Lads’ night was the one night a week Harry always had somewhere to be.

Sliding into the familiar booth at the most European bar in Malibu, he smiled. It smelled like Guinness, long talks, and poor decisions. Grimmy slid up against Harry’s side with a wink and a greeting loud enough to leave his ear ringing, and Ed joined them soon after. Niall arrived a bit later and offered to grab the first round.

The night spun away from there. They played darts, danced clumsily in the corner, and even took up a series of bets about upcoming football matches back in the UK. Harry had absolutely no idea what was going on with football at any given moment, but he liked bets based on unfounded confidence.

He was shaking on another baseless bet when Cara walked in with another girl and headed straight over to Harry. He booped her nose, and she screeched in faux anger before hugging him. 

“The Brits all come to the only decent pub in this state, apparently,” she said with a smile.

“Yeah, we make a habit of it,” Harry laughed, gesturing at his friends who were locked in a very competitive battle of thumb war.

She giggled and squeezed the blonde next to her even closer by the waist. “You met Ashley? She’s amazing.”

“No, I’m not sure I have. I’ve only seen photos.”

Ashley shyly extended her hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Pleasure is mine.” Harry liked her heart-shaped face and the adoring expression that came over it when she looked up at Cara.

Later, he spotted Cara pressing Ashley up against the wall, hands cradling her face and hips tenderly. Their happiness stung in a way he was not prepared to process four beers into a Thursday night.

Lads’ nights tended to end with them all piled up in the obnoxiously large waterbed in Ed’s apartment a few blocks away. Ed and Niall were snoring already. He and Grimmy stared at the ceiling, fingers tangled in casual intimacy.

“Do you think there might be people in the ocean?” he murmured in the darkness.

“Mermaids?”

“Yeah, guess so.”

“Maybe. Hadn’t really thought about it. Do you?”

“Maybe.”

Grimmy muffled a laugh against Harry’s shoulder, and then leaned in to kiss Harry’s lips. “Goodnight, Styles.”

The word rolled around his head like a marble, keeping him up. _Mermaids_.

~~~

Harry came up with excuses to get people to come to the beach with him after that. He needed someone else to see or hear something. He needed to know that he wasn’t crazy.

He annoyed Niall into running with him in the morning. He got the lads to play beach volleyball instead of going to the pub. He offered to walk the neighbors’ dogs, thinking that even a dog noticing something would be enough for him. But nothing happened. Not even the splashes.

It had been nearly a month of this madness when he gave up. He stopped going by Niall’s house to badger him into waking up early and politely resigned from his volunteer dog walking duties. Instead, he ran with his headphones in. He wouldn’t hear any splashes so he couldn’t look, couldn’t obsess, couldn’t be so damn ridiculous.

Still, the thought was always there, hovering in the back of his mind. He found himself stewing over it again when he finally noticed all the popcorn hitting him.

“Oi! I’ve been pelting you for a solid minute, mate,” Niall said with exasperation.

Harry shook his head and started picking up the popcorn littering the couch. “Sorry. Sorry, I just—” He didn’t know what he was ‘just’ doing, though. Just slowly unravelling over a splash in the ocean?

“We haven’t written anything good all month. Sony called me again looking for something.”

Harry groaned and hid his face behind his hands. “It’s me.”

“True.” Niall nodded.

Harry kicked him lightly. “Hey.”

“It _is_ you, though! You’re distracted, you’re off your game. You gotta do something to reset.”

“I’ve taken so many baths and done so much yoga, you don’t even know.”

Niall started gathering his things. “Okay, well smoke a bowl and go sit on the beach with your guitar. Just try to feel the magic again.”

Harry groaned because the beach was exactly where he didn’t want to be, but maybe he needed to face his fears. “Can’t I go somewhere else?”

Niall frowned. “You moved into this overpriced house because you only feel sane near big bodies of water. You aren’t acting like yourself lately, so go commune with the ocean or whatever it is that makes you tick.”

Harry sighed. Niall was right, of course. “Fuckin’ hate that you’re right,” he murmured.

“Alright, ima go and leave you to it.” And then he was gone.

Harry stalled as long as he could. He cooked and packed leftovers in individual portions for his fridge. He painted his nails on his patio, watching the sun set. He even mixed up margaritas despite the recipe making far too much for one person. It was self-care, he reasoned.

When he finally headed down to the beach with nothing but his phone, guitar, lighter, and a spliff, the moon was out. The ocean had always been where he felt safest, most sure, and he was suddenly so glad to be there, breathing in the salty air, listening to the waves, and curling his toes in the sand.

He settled down on the beach, facing the rolling waves, and started recording on his phone, just in case something genius came out. His hands strummed chords aimlessly, and he hummed along, mind wandering.

He mumbled his way through Eleanor Rigby—or, at least, as much as he remembered—then found himself reflecting on how long it had been since he’d anyone to take home to his mother. His last serious boyfriend was nearly two years before; now it was just him and Grimmy messing around sometimes, no strings and no feelings beyond friendly fondness.

“I guess it’s just us then,” he sang softly. “I guess it’s just us holding on to whatever we can touch.” He changed the key, fingers fumbling on the strings until he found something that felt right. “It’s easy, and I wish it was easy to love you, too.” He thought for a moment. “I’m ready to love. I’m ready, but I don’t know who. Touch me, baby. It’s good for tonight, but I’m ready to love, and it’s never been you.”

He tried it again from the top, feeling his way through the melody. It wasn’t half bad, if he was honest. He and Niall could definitely work with that. Smiling, he leaned back to watch the waves. His eyes adjusted to the darkness only to see something, someone, right there in the surf a few feet away.

Harry froze, breath caught in his throat.

It was a man, slight and glistening under the moon. His head was propped in his hand like he had been watching Harry. Where had he come from? Harry hadn’t even smoked, but maybe he’d had too many margaritas. He blinked, shook his head, licked his lips.

The man’s eyes widened. He whispered, “Oops,” and giggled softly, and then—no—it couldn’t be. Harry thought he saw a tail twisting in the air behind him, shimmering blue and green in the moonlight, before disappearing back into the waves. But that was impossible. Harry was losing his mind again.

Harry scrambled backward, hurriedly trying to put his guitar into its case at the same time. He needed to go sober up and then call a therapist.

“I’m sorry if I scared you. I just like listening when you sing.”

Harry turned around to see the man biting his lip and shrinking back into the water. Before he could think, words tumbled out. “It’s okay.”

“Yeah?”

Harry wanted to smooth the line between the stranger’s brows. “Yeah.”

“I liked your songs.”

Harry sighed and sat down, a few feet farther from the waterline than he had been. He wasn’t going to be rude, even to his own hallucination. “That’s really nice of you.” It was silent for a moment. “My name’s Harry.”

“Hi, Harry. I’m Louis.” Louis smiled. “Sorry for, you know, watching you.”

“It’s okay,” he said again, too distracted from chanting the man’s name to think of any other response. _His name was Louis. Louis. Louis._

“It _was_ pretty funny when you tried to catch me. You looked so silly,” Louis crowed, rolling over in laughter. It was that sparkling laugh, the one that had echoed in his head since the day he first heard it.

“Oh god, it _was_ you.”

Louis rolled upright again, brow furrowed. “Of course.”

“It’s been you this whole time, then?” Harry had been obsessing over this mystery for so long. Had every splash and laugh been this mesmerizing, impossible creature?

“Yes,” Louis said slowly, like Harry was dense.

“I nearly lost my mind trying to figure out what it was.”

“Just lil old mermaid me.” Louis grinned, tail rising up from the water as if to emphasize his point. 

Harry grimaced. “Right.” It was there, all scales and fin, gleaming blue and green. “A mermaid.” More like a moment of drunken delirium.

“I think the word mermaid is supposed to be just for girls, right? But I like being called a mermaid. It’s a pretty word.”

Harry smiled despite himself. His hallucination was apparently woke about gender norms. “I agree with you. ‘Merman’ isn’t as fun.”

“Yeah, it’s dumb.”

After a pause, Harry whispered, “I feel like I’m going crazy. No one else ever sees you.”

Louis shrugged and responded easily. “I don’t want them to.”

“Why me, then?”

That made Louis pause. “You seem nice, and I like when you sing.” He looked away into the night. “I shouldn’t be here at all.”

“Here talking to me?”

“Yeah.” Then in rush he added, “You won’t tell anyone, will you?” His eyes were steely despite the edge of fear in his voice.

Harry actually had every intention of telling a mental health professional about this as soon as possible, but he hated seeing Louis scared. “No, I won’t.”

They were silent for a moment. ~~~~

“Can I touch that?”

Harry glanced up to see Louis pointing at his guitar. “Oh, um, yeah.” Louis came closer, crawling up the sand tentatively. “Lemme just–” Harry moved near Louis and pulled his shirt away from his body. “Dry your hands first.”

Harry was acutely aware of how close they were, how bizarre it was to approach a strange creature in the darkness as Louis twisted his fingers in the cotton slowly, watching how it caught against his wet skin. Then he reached out and reverently stroked the guitar. His fingers hovered over the strings then stroked them clumsily. He gasped at the ugly sound they made. “Can you show me? You know how to do it right.”

Harry picked up the guitar. “You press down here to change the amount of string that vibrates and the note it makes. You strum here.” He played a chord, then another.

“Play a song.”

Harry laughed despite himself. This stranger was ordering him around. “Whatever you say, Louis.”

Louis batted his eyelashes with a smirk. They were so close. Harry could see the peaks of his lips, the strength of his shoulders. His skin practically glowed under the moonlight. Everything about Louis was strikingly human, even while he was clearly not.

“Well?” Louis tilted his head to the side.

 _Right, a song._ Harry started playing, and Louis lolled against the sand, watching intently. Harry tried not to stare back, tried not to get overwhelmed by the absurdity of the moment and mess up. When the song ended, they gazed at each other, eyes locked in a way that felt strangely intimate. Louis slowly smiled. “Thank you.” ~~~~

“You’re welcome.”

“Well, I better be going,” Louis said lightly. And who was Harry to disagree? Louis slid back into the sea, lithe and graceful, and left Harry staring dumbstruck at where he had disappeared.

When he finally shook himself loose, Harry gathered his things. His phone, he realized, was still recording. He saved the file quickly, afraid to overthink it. With one last look at the water, he started toward home.

~~~

As he woke up the next morning, the evening slowly came back to him. He skipped through his voice recording until he heard another voice. It was higher pitched than his, melodic but rough. It seemed he hadn’t made it all up, then—unless he was also imagining that recording.

He sat on the swing on his porch with a heavy sigh and pushed away from the ground. The gentle rocking reminded him of floating in the ocean. Without pausing to realize just how early it was, he dialed his mum.

When she answered, there was a tinge of worry in her voice.

“Good morning, darling.”

“Morning, mum.”

“It’s a bit early for you to call. Is everything okay?”

Harry groaned internally when he realized it was barely 6 am. Their family had always been keen to rise early, though. He rushed to settle her nerves. “Just wanted to say hi.”

“Oh, okay. Well, hello! I’m just feeding the cats.”

“Are they being good this morning?”

“Never,” she said with a laugh. “So, what are you up to today?”

“Oh, the usual. Gonna take my run in a minute. Then I’ll probably do some laundry and pay some bills. Niall will come by later to write.” The conversation flowed comfortably for a few minutes, floating from one mundane topic to another, before a beat of silence fell. Harry didn’t know how to voice his problem. Finally, he said, “Mum, do you believe there are things out there we don’t know about?”

“Like…new planets?”

“More like, things that seem impossible. Stuff that we tend to scoff at.”

His mum hummed thoughtfully. “I think there is a lot more to the world than we can know. We’d be foolish to believe humans have figured everything out.”

“So maybe unicorns are real?” Harry said wryly, trying to deflect from how serious his mother sounded and how earnest his original question had been.

“Never say never,” she replied simply. Her tone was firm, no hint of sarcasm or laughter lacing it, and Harry knew she meant it.

“I will let you know if I see one,” he said.

This time she took the bait and laughed softly. “You better.”

The sky was beginning to pinken by the time he finally got down to the beach. He felt anxious still, but in a different way. His mum had managed to settle him, assure him he wasn’t crazy to believe he’d met a mermaid the night before. Now, if only he could be sure.

He scanned the water for disturbances while he ran, nearly falling several times from how twisted his form was. Giving up, he turned toward home much earlier than normal. He sat and watched the sun melting into the sky, the tide shifting back. Harry loved moments like these when he felt suspended in time, no thoughts in his mind, nothing but the ocean expanding infinitely before him.

He almost missed when a head appeared above the water. “Hi, Harry.”

He breathed in sharply. “Hi.”

“I’m back.” In the daylight, Louis’ hair was auburn.

“I was wondering if I would see you again.” 

“I do like to bother you during your runs.”

“Oh, I know,” Harry said, raising a brow. Louis laughed, and it brought a smile to Harry’s lips. Was it strange that this conversation almost felt normal? 

“Did you write any more songs?” Louis sounded so eager.

“Since last night? No.” Harry bit back his laugh.

“Oh.” Louis pouted.

“Have _you_?”

“No! I don’t write songs.”

Harry cocked his head to the side, considering. “Anyone can write a song.” ~~~~

Louis bit his lip. “Maybe.”

“You could write songs. You’ll have to try it.”

Louis moved to cling to a large rock, ducking his face to hide. “Okay, Harold.”

“My name’s Harry, not—”

“I know.” Louis smirked, his tail flicking up behind him sassily.

Harry rolled his eyes. This mermaid—or hallucination—was surprisingly annoying. “I’m arguing with something that doesn’t even exist.”

Louis’ tail hit the water hard enough to cause waves. He surged toward Harry. “I don’t exist eh?” His eyes were mischievous and… so _blue_.

Harry blinked at him. “I—I just—I don’t know if I believe in mermaids.”

Louis reached forward and grabbed Harry’s ankle. With a grunt he dragged him toward the waves. Harry screeched and jerked, trying to get loose, but Louis was determined. One more pull and Harry was in the water, coughing and flailing to sit up.

“I wonder how you ended up in the water then, if mermaids don’t exist.”

“Okay, so you—” Harry spat out some sand and pushed his hair out of his face. “You have a point.”

Louis looked into the distance smugly. “I know.”

Harry dragged himself out of the water and fell onto the sand, wet and confused. If Louis was real, then there was so much he didn’t understand. “So you’re real?”

“I tend to think so, yeah.”

Harry tried to comprehend that. When he was a kid, he watched _The Little Mermaid_ with his mum every Wednesday while they ate goldfish crackers and drank the ‘ocean’ (which had sadly just been tap water). Now, he could sit beside a mermaid. He could hardly process it all, barely even believed it.

“Can I touch it?” he murmured, without thinking.

“What?”

“Your, um… your tail.”

“Oh. Sure.” Louis crawled beside him on the shore and moved his tail near him. It shimmered in the daylight, brilliant shades of turquoise and emerald.

Harry pressed a single finger to the firm, smooth scales. “Wow.”

Louis laughed. “It’s very normal to me, but thanks for the confidence boost.”

Confusion clouded Harry’s mind. “So wait, how do you speak English?”

“It’s a long story, but a lot of us do.”

Harry gave him an unimpressed look. “The simple version of the long story?”

Louis sighed. “My mum was a human who spoke English before she became a mermaid. Others were once human too. We all learned some English in school. My mum taught us a ton more though.”

Harry needed a moment to process that. “Your mum became a mermaid?”

“Yeah. Long story, like I said, but she fell in love with my dad.”

“How did they even meet?”

“Like this, I suppose,” Louis said, gesturing at Harry and himself. “She doesn’t like to talk about him.”

Harry hummed and decided maybe now was not the time to pry any further about Louis’ father. They’d only just met, and presumably that would be rude in mermaid culture, too. “So…how did she become a mermaid?”

“It’s actually not hard to do. She just found a witch.”

Harry’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “A witch? Like, someone who does magic?”

“Don’t tell me you don’t believe in those either!” Louis groaned.

“I guess I shouldn’t say anything, then.”

Louis quirked his brow, unimpressed. “Yeah, best not to.” He sighed. “They’re more and more rare, though. Creatures don’t use magic like they once did.”

“I guess not. Humans don’t believe in it.”

“Well, that’s a bit rubbish.”

“Yeah, I suppose it is.” Harry paused then smirked. “Maybe a witch could drag me into a cauldron or something, prove they’re real like you just did.”

Louis rolled his eyes. “I don’t know what a cauldron is, but I’m sure they are far too busy to put you in one.”

Harry sat on the beach with Louis asking him questions all morning—and the next two mornings after that—because if Louis was not a hallucination, he was a real live mermaid. And if Louis was a real live mermaid, he was the most amazing, ridiculous discovery of Harry’s life.

~~~

Songs started pouring out of him. There was the one he had started the night he first met Louis, which turned into a power-ballad that artists would definitely be fighting over. There was a poppy song about feeling at home at the beach, brimming with fun Cali references. And then there was a dreamy song about feeling small in such a vast world. The chorus described lying under the sky wondering what you would see from the ocean floor. That was something he couldn’t stop thinking about when he lay on his porch looking up at the clouds. _What did Louis see when he laid down?_

As much as he appreciated the results, Niall was suspicious of the sudden surge in creativity. He kept staring at Harry when he thought he wasn’t looking, like he might be able to see something different. The truth was, of course, far wilder than Niall would ever believe. Not that Harry could tell him anyway.

At lads’ night, Harry was aware that he needed to make sure he didn’t say anything stupid no matter much he drank. He couldn’t go telling everyone that mermaids were real and that he knew one. So when people offered updates—Grimmy had a cool interview coming up; Ed forgot his own birthday in an interview; Niall wished someone would interview _him_ —he said something about making margaritas.

“He’s got his mojo back in the studio, too!” Niall added.

“Awesome, man! Those dry patches are rough,” Ed said empathetically.

Grimmy laughed, echoing him, “Dry patches.” Harry rolled his eyes but laughed, too.

Raising his glass, Niall said, “Cheers to writing some good tunes, getting through writer’s block, and drinking good beer.”

Harry could drink to that, though everyone knew he would be drinking something fruity as soon as he was buying. Beer was never his first choice.

“I know you think good beer is an oxymoron,” Grimmy said, smiling at him knowingly. Harry jabbed his thumb into his side, but Grimmy kept talking. “I’ll go get you a drink you’ll actually like.”

It was moments like this that reminded Harry that fucking someone did make a relationship a little different. They cared a little more, and they bought you stuff sometimes when a strictly platonic friend might expect something in return.

When Grimmy returned, he handed Harry a deep purple drink and watched as he took a sip. “Better?”

“Yeah,” Harry murmured, savoring the lingering sweet taste. When he looked up he caught Grimmy licking his lips, eyes trained on Harry’s mouth. So it was like that then.

It wasn’t a secret to the other lads that Grimmy and Harry messed around, but normally they kept those things separate from lads’ night. This was blatant.

Harry leaned in and dropped his voice. “You think you can keep it in your pants until we leave the bar?”

“Depends on _when_ we leave the bar.”

“At a normal hour.”

Nick pursed his lips, a wicked glint brightening his eyes. “Mmm. Maybe. Or, an alternate idea. I hear there’s a bathroom here.”

Harry rolled his eyes again. “Grimmy, I will not blow you in the bathroom.”

“I was thinking more like…” Grimmy paused and smiled filthily, “fuck you over the sink.”

Harry nearly spat out his drink. “Not sure I’m prepared for that.”

“I have stuff.”

And well, Harry wasn’t one to say no to sex. Especially not when Grimmy looked so hungry for it.

He slipped away from the table first. Grimmy met him a few minutes later and immediately shoved him up against the tile wall, pressing lips against his neck, quick and sloppy. Harry did end up bent over the sink, breath fogging up the mirror as he rocked up against it. Grimmy came with a grunt, then knelt to finish Harry off with his mouth. They were still panting and half-dressed when a bartender walked in. He averted his eyes, stepping past them briskly, and Grimmy laughed, mouthing wetly at Harry’s neck.

“Do you think he wants to join?” Harry joked.

“Nah.” Grimmy nipped at Harry’s neck while zipping his pants. “Come on, Styles. Let’s get back to the lads.”

Their clothes were sweaty and rumpled, faces bearing the obvious flush of sex, when they got back to the table. Niall smacked Harry as Ed rolled his eyes. Harry raised his now-warm drink to Grimmy with a grin. “Cheers.”

The rest of the night was uneventful. Harry did not accidentally talk about mermaids or Louis or how upside down the world seemed. He just slumped against Ed and listened sleepily, content to cuddle up against his friend and let the night slip away.

~~~

Harry didn’t run during those precious early hours when the beach was empty anymore. He ran once dogs and kids and guys with metal detectors started trickling onto the beach. Because before they came, he saw Louis.

Since the night he first revealed himself, Louis didn’t bother hiding. Instead, he was often clinging to the big rock just offshore, the one Harry mentally referred to as mermaid rock, while the sun rose behind him, sparkling on the water and gleaming in his auburn hair. Harry was grateful he had found a home where he could be alone on the beach more often than not, able to hear the waves and gulls, where there were more hermit crabs than bottles, and where he could see Louis uninterrupted.

This morning, Louis had come closer. The water lapped against Harry’s toes, and he felt so at ease, so blissful. He shook himself out of his reverie, realizing Louis had asked a question. “Hmm?”

“What do you do when you’re not running?” Louis repeated himself, eyes focused, interested.

“I work with my mate Niall. We write songs that we sell to other people to record. I also go out with a group of lads once a week to this bar that reminds us of home.”

“Home?”

“We’re all from across the pond—erm, the ocean.”

“I know that phrase,” Louis scoffed.

“Right. Ok. I just wanted to be clear.”

“So where are you from, then?”

“Great Britain. I grew up in Cheshire, but my family came over here when I was 16. We used to live in Washington up a bit further north. We had a lake nearby, and the sea wasn’t _that_ far, but I missed the ocean.”

“And the other lads?”

“Niall is from Ireland, but he came over here when he was a bit younger. Still has the damn accent and an obnoxious amount of Irish pride, though. Grimmy was based in London but came over here a few years ago to pursue the next stage in his radio career. And–” Louis cut him off in a hushed tone. “Radio. I’ve heard about it, but I want to know more.”

Harry found his eyebrows rising. There must be a lot about this world that seemed obvious to him that Louis wouldn’t understand. He spoke slowly, composing his thoughts as he went. “It’s something you can listen to almost anywhere you are, so long as you have a machine that can pick up radio waves in the air. You don’t see them or feel them or even hear them, but a machine can. There are different channels, and people like Grimmy announce things and play music.” Harry paused searching his mind for a way to convey the enormity of radio. “They do interviews and share news and weather updates. Different channels have different audiences and different music. And now with the internet, those radio stations share stuff online too.”

Louis had swum closer as Harry spoke. “What do you listen to?”

Harry laughed. “Well, I actually don’t listen to the radio that much anymore. I watch the stuff online sometimes, though. I listen to music online mostly.” He dug out his phone and waved it. “On this thing.”

“Oh. That plays music?” Louis looked awestruck.

“Any music you want, yeah.”

“Does it have that song where they sing about the humans?”

Harry wasn’t sure what that meant. He furrowed his brow. “The humans?”

“Yeah, my mum sings it sometimes. A mermaid sings about people.”

Harry did a double take. When had Louis’ mum gone into the ocean? Was it possible? He somewhat nonsensically asked Louis how old he was and did the maths in his head. Louis had been born in roughly 1991, and he had been born soon after she turned. He’d said as much before. Ariel came out in the late 80s, Harry knew, because he knew it was before his sister was born. Was Louis asking about _The Little Mermaid_?

Harry stuttered. “I think—this—is it this?” He pulled up ‘Part of Your World’ on Spotify, and Louis’ eyes lit up.

He listened intently, murmuring along to some of it and laughing at the jokes. “I’ve never heard the music. It’s so wonderful.” By the end of the song, he was lying on his back, eyes a bit teary, seemingly overwhelmed. “Wow.”

Harry couldn’t help but agree. “Wow.” It had been a long time since he saw someone have such unadulterated appreciation for music, no matter how common or ‘childish’ the music was. He felt a newfound appreciation for the old Disney tune blossoming inside him. They stayed silent, letting the moment breathe as the water swirled in little eddies around Louis and the sun rose further into the purple sky.

Louis broke the silence first. “I used to live by Great Britain. In the ocean off the shore. My mum grew up there, on land.”

“Really?” Harry was shocked by the coincidence.

“Yeah. We migrated here after people got a bit too nosy over there. Plus, the waters were rough and the shores were so rocky. It’s easy living here.”

Harry laughed at that. “Really?”

“Yeah! It’s so much easier in comparison. The water is warm, and the sand is so soft and lovely on my tail. Plus, people here don’t seem to look for us like they sometimes did in England. That makes my life easier.”

“It’s funny. People say the same thing about the land here. They say Malibu is where the living is easy.”

“Is it?”

The seriousness of Louis’ tone was unsettling. “I suppose,” he finally said, but he knew that wasn’t a real answer. After a few more beats, he added, “I don’t know that living is ever easy, but some places seem to make it easier.”

Louis nodded, satisfied with his response. Harry gazed down at where Louis lay, now mere inches away, and wondered who this baffling creature was, exactly. The more he got to know Louis, the less his tail seemed like the most surprising bit.

~~~

Their meetings became more and more frequent, until Harry found himself at the beach even on mornings he didn’t plan to run. They talked about anything and everything.

It was just them and the sea, usually. One morning, Louis’ face suddenly twisted. “Oi!” An angry string of words that Harry didn’t recognize fell from his lips. Louis put his face in the water and continued talking and gesturing before tossing a hermit crab away from him. “They just stare at you when you try to talk to them,” he grumbled. “Show a little decency!”

“Erm, what happened?” Harry asked, trying to follow.

“He pinched my tail!”

“Oh, well that’s not very nice.”

“No. I’m rofricky.”

Harry was pretty sure that word was part of the earlier string of sounds. “Rofricky?”

“Yeah, like rofrick.”

Harry squinted. “Either it’s too early or that’s not English.”

“Oh.” Confusion passed over Louis’ face. “I guess it isn’t.”

“Is it… a swear word?”

Louis laughed. “Only the best one.”

“ _My_ favorite is fuck,” Harry offered. “You can use it a lot of different ways, but it actually means to have sex.”

Louis wiggled his eyebrows. “Rofrick means to poop in someone’s home.”

Harry giggled, gasped, then laughed and laughed. Through teary eyes he could see Louis was grinning. “That’s so specific!” he finally managed to say.

“Well, rofricky is just the mood of wanting to poop in someone’s home.”

That set Harry off again. He was shaking with laughter, rolling in the sand. “God, Louis, that’s amazing.”

And then Louis was laughing, too, that high, musical sound that once drove Harry mad now made him crave more. He dove at Louis, fingers dancing along his ribs while he squirmed. Most importantly, he kept letting out those beautiful laughs, even as he grew breathless.

Harry finally relented his tickle attack, only to realize he was holding Louis flush against him by the waist. He stepped back, raising his hands up like he’d been burned and chuckled nervously, but Louis didn’t seem upset. He just floated there, eyes closed and a serene smile on his lips.

“Now, be aware that I will get you for that,” he said, his voice light but his words threatening. He opened his eyes to smirk at Harry. “Not today, but someday when you least expect it, I will get you back.”

Harry found himself smiling. “That seems only fair.”

“I’m glad you agree,” Louis hummed.

~~~

This was just how things were with them, Harry thought. They just talked and laughed. He always left feeling so refreshed, his creativity flowing and mind at ease most days.

Niall was, of course, growing increasingly suspicious. He had even cornered him the other day to ask if he was secretly dating Grimmy. (“I can tell something’s up. What are you not telling me?”)

“My friends don’t understand what’s up with me lately,” Harry said to Louis the next morning. “I can’t very well tell them I’m best mates with a mermaid.”

“Best mates, eh?” Louis laughed, elbowing him.

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t let it get to your head.” Harry smiled fondly. “Niall thought I finally got together with Grimmy.”

Louis stiffened. “Grimmy? Your mate who works on the radio?”

“Yeah. They keep thinking we’re gonna stop hooking up and get together.”

Louis was quiet for a beat. “Is hooking up… sex?”

Harry laughed awkwardly. “Yeah.”

“Oh.” Louis picked at a scale on his tail.

Suddenly, Harry was embarrassed. “Sorry. Do you have gay mermaids? I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just didn’t ever think it was relevant to mention? I’m sorry if you feel weird about it, but yeah, I like guys. Always have.” Harry knew he was rambling, but he was panicking at Louis’ reaction, trying to fix the tension in the air between them.

“That’s fine,” Louis rushed to say as soon as Harry took a breath. “We do have mermaids like that.”

“I, um, I’m pansexual. So, like, I like anyone really, but I tend to prefer guys.”

“That’s cool. I just like guys.”

“Oh.” Harry took a moment to process the revelation that Louis was gay. He hadn’t really thought about mermaids having sexualities before. How did they even have sex? He wasn’t going to ask, but god did he want to know.

“So you and Grimmy.” Louis looked at the horizon as he spoke. “You two are having sex but not dating?”

It felt weird hearing it. “Pretty much.” Harry shrugged. “We are good mates, and frankly we have a good time together. I haven’t dated anyone seriously in a while. He’s convenient.”

“Do you want to be his partner?”

“No, I really don’t feel that way about him,” he said. “That’s actually who I was singing about when we first met properly. I was writing a song about our situation.”

Louis nodded. “You said in that song you wanted love.”

Blushing, Harry nodded.“Yeah.”

“Me too,” Louis murmured.

“So you don’t have a boy down there?”

Louis laughed bitterly. “No. There aren’t that many of us in our clan. I’ve known pretty much everyone since we were guppies.” He sighed and slid further into the water, further from Harry. “My best mate has a partner. I’m really happy for him—honest—but it is hard to watch.”

Harry knew what he meant. “Do you ever see people from other communities? Like, other groups of mermaids or whatever?”

“Sometimes. And sometimes new people join us—that’s how Liam met his partner. It’s just hard, you know? Everyone’s settling down and starting families.” His lips twisted. Harry fought the urge to crawl forward and cradle his face in his palm.

“It’s never too late, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Louis’ face was clouded.

“Rofricky,” Harry said carefully.

Louis looked up, eyes sparkling, and a trickle of something like relief pulsed through Harry. “Rofricky?” Louis repeated with a raised eyebrow.

Harry plowed on. “Sometimes life rofricks you, and you just wanna rofrick it back.”

Louis laughed, his usual smile returning like the sun after a storm. “That was terrible grammar.”

“I tried!”

Between giggles, Louis gasped out, “That only makes it better. You _tried_!”

Harry felt something warm and satisfied saturate his limbs. He bit his lip around a smile.

That night when he was in bed, Louis’ laugh played in his head like a record stuck on repeat. He drifted off to sleep happy to have been the reason for his laughter.

~~~

Harry started encouraging the group to turn in early on lads’ nights. He didn’t want to get too drunk to get home or end up with a hangover; he wanted to see Louis in the morning.

Grimmy took personal offense to that. “Why are you suddenly no fun, Styles?”

Harry pouted, leaning against the wall. “I’m still fun,” he insisted.

“I don’t know about that. We haven’t been having fun together lately.”

Harry rolled his eyes. They had messed around recently. Well—after a moment of thought he acknowledged maybe it _had_ been a stretch since they had hooked up. “I just don’t like the hangover.”

Grimmy harrumphed. “Just drink less.”

“I _am_ drinking less.” Harry nodded to his lemonade.

Not yet placated, Grimmy leaned closer and peered into Harry’s eyes. “Are you avoiding me?”

“I’m right next to you!”

“No, I mean,” Grimmy lowered his voice, “are you avoiding me at times when we’re alone…to, you know, avoid having sex?”

“No.”

“It seems like you are. Did I do something wrong?”

“Everything is fine. I’m just not that horny lately.” It wasn’t entirely true, but Harry wasn’t sure how else to explain that he wasn’t drawn to the easy, uncomplicated pleasure he found with Grimmy. He didn’t know when that had changed.

Grimmy seemed alarmed by his statement, though. “You should get bloodwork. Maybe you’re ill.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “I’ll look into it, Nick.”

At the sound of his first name, Grimmy stepped back. “Okay.”

Harry felt bad—he did—but he was also grateful that Grimmy finally let up. He didn’t know what else he could say.

Later that night, he was oddly aware of his decision to head home rather than crash with the lads at Ed’s place. In leaving, he was also turning Grimmy down on their usual cuddles and kiss goodnight, not to mention any other things they sometimes got up to in the guest room. Grimmy didn’t meet his eyes when he said goodbye, and Harry almost felt bad he _didn’t_ feel bad.

Instead, when he settled into his own bed, he was excited to get to sleep because when he opened his eyes again, he could see Louis.

~~~

Harry’s mum came to visit, which would normally be wonderful. Except, every morning she insisted on coming down to the beach with him to watch the sun rise, and every morning Harry tried to move as slowly as possible as they approached the water to give Louis enough time to spot another person and hide. He watched, shoulders tense, for any sign of shimmering tail or blue eyes. If his mum noticed his odd behavior, she didn’t mention it.

He had no way to warn Louis. But even worse was the itch and ache of wanting to see him. He knew that Louis was there, hiding somewhere by mermaid rock or further out toward the horizon. He was right there, but just out of reach.

Each day that passed without their usual time together, the pressure mounted. Harry felt unbalanced, unsure, without any way of reaching out. He didn’t want Louis to think he had forgotten him. When his mum finally left, his relief was so palpable he almost wept.

It was almost too late in the morning—people would start showing up on the beach soon—but as soon as her car disappeared around a bend in the road he took off toward the beach. His heart was in his throat when he finally came to a halt in front of the water. He looked around in breathless, frantic hope.

He needed a bit of a splash, a laugh, a flash of blue and green scales, anything to let him know Louis was there… but there was nothing.

If only he could reach him. Tears swum in his eyes as he walked into the cool water, wading deeper and deeper until he felt the waves lapping at his chest. It had been days. Maybe Louis would never come back, never be there waiting for him again. All he wanted was his mythical, wonderful friend.

“Louis,” he cried, voice broken. He gulped in air and sank under the water, opening his mouth to scream his name again. It was the only thing he could do. When he rose up again to see waves stretching undisturbed in all directions, Harry let himself fall back to float in the water, distraught and exhausted.

He felt him before he saw him. A hand stroked wet hair off his face, and Harry opened his eyes to see blue eyes just inches away. Startled enough to lose his floating position, he rushed to put his feet under himself and stand.

“You came,” he whispered.

“Are you okay?” Louis whispered back, brow furrowed.

Harry rubbed at his face, self-conscious of how emotional he was. He wanted to scream that he’d missed Louis but instead settled for the rest of the truth. “I just…I didn’t think you would come back.”

Louis shook his head, confused. “What do you mean?”

“I didn’t think you would keep waiting for me in the mornings. I thought I might never see you again.”

“No.” Louis’ voice was so gentle. “Never.” He wrapped his tail loosely around Harry’s legs and hugged him. “I would miss you too much.”

Harry felt his earlier tears returning, bubbling over. “I was so worried. I couldn’t warn you someone else was coming. I didn’t know she would do that.” He swallowed thickly before adding, “And I didn’t get to see you for four days.”

Louis squeezed him a bit tighter, fingers tracing soothing circles on his back. “Shhh. I’m a big boy. I can take care of myself. You don’t have to warn me.”

Harry felt pathetic, bowed and crying in the ocean over missing his mermaid friend, but he also felt so safe in Louis’ embrace. He allowed his head to drop further to rest on Louis’ shoulder as he sniffled and tried to breathe normally again.

When his breathing finally evened, he raised his head and smiled back at the man in front of him. Louis untangled himself and moved back to look at him.

“I’ve got to get back to my family, but I’m so glad to see you. Everything will be okay, yeah? You don’t need to worry. I understand.”

“Please—can we meet tonight?” The beach would be empty again then, he knew. “I missed you. I want to see you for more than a few minutes.”

Louis quirked a brow. “Okay. Tonight. But I really do have to go now.” With one more smile, he was gone into the waves.

~~~

Harry wanted to plan something to thank Louis for waiting, unwavering, and for his kindness. He wasn’t sure what would be special for Louis—their lives were so different—so he decided to lean into what made them different. He could share human things with Louis.

When Niall arrived to start working, he was annoyed to find Harry distracted once again. They still managed to record a demo and mess around with a few melodies, so Harry didn’t feel too guilty for the notes he scribbled down that weren’t about work.

As soon as the door closed behind Niall, Harry was frantically opening drawers. Louis didn’t use clocks so there was no way to know exactly when they would meet, but he was determined to be there before Louis. Harry would wait for _him_ this time. Harry would be ready.

Just as the sun was starting to set, Harry set off toward the beach with bags slung over each shoulder and another two in each hand.

By the time Louis appeared, the water shone silver under the moon, in stark contrast to the roaring fire Harry had built. He felt a smile break across his face at his sight. After nearly five days, he could finally spend time with Louis again.

“Okay, what is that?” Louis approached slowly, face flickering in and out of the firelight.

“Hello to you, too,” Harry laughed.

“Hello.” He smiled, but his voice was tight. “But seriously…. Is that a fire?”

“Yeah, it is. It’s one of the coolest things you can do on land but not in the ocean.”

Louis’ eyes narrowed, and he hovered a few feet from the shore. “It doesn’t seem all that cool.”

“Well, no, it’s hot.” Harry paused to chuckle at his pun, and Louis stuck out his tongue at him. “But I promise you’ll be safe. Just don’t touch it.” Louis inched closer, eyes fixed on the flames. Harry coaxed gently, “I know you like learning about human things. So I planned a couple to share with you tonight. Wanted to say thank you.”

That had Louis’ gaze snapping back to him. “Say thank you?”

“Yeah, for coming today when I called, for waiting for me when you didn’t actually get to spend time with me, for being my friend at all. You didn’t have to but you did. Thank you.” It felt like a speech, a revealing one. Harry’s face burned.

“I like you.” Louis said it so simply, head cocked to the side like he was confused by Harry. “I wanted to.”

Harry almost said _well, thank you for liking me_ , but instead he swallowed thickly and smiled. “Just say ‘you’re welcome’ and get over here.”

Louis smirked but did as instructed, sliding out of the water and onto the sand. “So, fire is your way to thank me?”

“One of them, yeah.”

“Right. There’s more to come.” Louis smirked again. “So teach me about fire, then. I don’t know much about it.”

Harry smiled, feeling much more confident now that he could return to things he had planned. “We first realized we could make fire whenever we wanted a long, long time ago.” Harry paused, realizing he should clarify. “There are also wildfires that can be really destructive and scary. Figuring out how to make and control fires was really important because their heat allowed us to cook food and melt things. It also kept us warm. We still like to sit around them at night with our friends.”

Louis nodded. “I could see that.” As his fear faded, Louis leaned closer to the fire. He stared at it with awe, unable to conceal how enraptured he was. Harry watched his face through the fire, watched his eyes follow each leap of the flames.

To have Louis right there but focused on something else stirred something like jealousy under his skin, but it did offer him a unique opportunity to admire the man in front of him shamelessly. He studied his face, cheekbones prominent in the shadow of the firelight and thin lips pursed in thought.

As beautiful as he was, Harry wanted to hear his voice, meet his gaze. “So what do you do when you’re not here with me?”

Louis looked up. “Hmm?”

“Well, I don’t really know what your world is, or what you do during the day.”

“Oh, right. Well…I take care of my siblings a good amount, especially when my mum is busy with new pups.”

“How often does she have—erhm—new pups?”

“She had the twins a couple years ago, but I think that’s probably the last few for her.”

“Oh… so is she still busy with them a lot?”

“What?”

“Well, you said—”

“Oh! No, she helps with _other people’s_ pups!” That made more sense. Louis continued, “She takes care of mothers and their pups. Eggs too, I suppose. We are pretty complicated compared to other egg-borne sea creatures. She’s there to help make sure everything goes smoothly.”

“That’s a lovely job.”

“Definitely. She loves it.”

“So how many siblings do you have?”

Louis laughed. “A half dozen. My mum had another partner after my dad but he passed away. She just found Mark a few years ago, and they had the youngest twins.”

“Youngest..?” Harry trailed off wondering if he was reading into it too much or if Louis was implying that there were more than one set of twins.

“The older ones were born with the other guy.”

Harry guffawed. “Two sets?”

“Yeah. It runs in the family.” Louis paused before adding wryly, “Not that I have to worry about having twins.”

Harry sighed. This was a familiar pain. “You can still have kids, though,” he said softly.

“I know,” Louis murmured, staring into the fire. “It just hurts, sometimes, all the ways I miss out.”

Some things just are. Harry knew he couldn’t make it better so he didn’t say anything, just gazed into the fire too. Smoke spilled up into the sky, creating a hazy world in the velvet darkness, interrupted only by the occasional spark.

“You asked me what I do. The answer is not much.” Louis paused, and Harry met his gaze. “My friends all have partners. They’re starting families. They have roles in our community as hunters or plant tenders or teachers or whatever. I never found my thing so I just help my family.”

“That’s a thing.”

Louis shrugged. “I sing in the choir, too, and I love that. We are really good. People come to listen to us practice.”

“I’d love to hear you sing sometime.”

Louis blushed but otherwise ignored Harry’s comment. “I also swim around and look for cool stuff that I can show the pups.”

“What’s something cool you’ve found lately?” Harry asked, genuinely wondering what Louis looked for.

“I found this really pretty rock with a million colors! The girls loved it.”

Harry smiled, nodding approvingly. “Lucky little sisters.”

“The only thing I do that’s actually useful to the clan is going to visit other clans sometimes to find certain plants or medicine we need.”

“That sounds incredibly important. Don’t downplay it.”

“I know. I know.” Louis stared off into the darkness. “Don’t worry about it, Curly. I’m just feeling really moody. Fire makes me feel like pouring my heart out, apparently.”

Harry didn’t like the way Louis talked about himself. Louis was amazing. “You sound like someone a lot of people really appreciate. You fill a lot of roles, not just one.”

Louis smiled, but rather than responding, he flicked Harry’s foot with his tail. “Aren’t you going to fix it? It’s gone.” Without any tending, the fire had slowly burned down until there were no more flames.

“I actually did that on purpose.” Leaning over to his bags, Harry procured a small grate with legs. He settled it into the embers, explaining that those were actually the hottest part of the fire. “So you can’t touch the place where a fire was for like 24 hours after.”

Louis pressed his lips together and hummed. “What is 24 hours?”

“A day.”

“That’s a long time.”

“It is. I’m gonna put a lot of water on this and mark it with some flags before we go.”

“I guess fire is worth all of that,” Louis said dreamily. “I miss it. Why did you make it go away again?”

Harry laughed, delighted that Louis enjoyed the fire. “Because,” he flourished a pair of tongs, “I’m going to show you cooked fish.” Leaning back to his pile of things again, Harry located a small lunch box stuffed with freezer packs to keep it cool. “I figured this would be a way to show you something familiar but a bit different. If that’s ok?” Harry asked, suddenly unsure as Louis stared at his salmon fillets.

“I’ve never seen fish look like that.”

“It’s not going to be as fresh as you get it, but it’s the next best. I marinated some in spices and oil, and the rest is plain.”

Louis was nodding, eyes big. “This is so cool. Let’s do it. Do you put it on the fire?”

Under instruction, Louis carefully helped Harry lay the fish across the grill and watched curiously as the fish changed color.

“What do you do on lads’ night?”

“Oh I told you, right? My friends and I go to a bar. We drink and play pool and talk.”

“When you say drink,” Louis was speaking slowly like he was trying to remember something, “you mean alcohol?”

“Yeah, beer and stuff.”

“And you go swimming?”

“What? No.”

Louis’ brow furrowed. “You play in the pool.”

“Oh, well that _is_ the same word! Pool is a game you play with balls on a table. You use these long sticks to hit certain balls and knock other ones into holes in the table.”

“Huh. So you like pool?”

“Not as much as some of my friends, but it’s a good game to play when you’re drinking. Not too much thinking.” The fish was ready then, and Harry carefully plated it and offered it to Louis. “You first.”

Louis’ mouth screwed up. “It looks so weird, though.”

“You’ll always wonder if you don’t try it,” Harry said, trying not to show how eager he was for Louis to try. If he didn’t taste it, Harry would be disappointed, but he would never pressure him.

Groaning, Louis acquiesced, grabbing a plain piece. He inspected it, smelled it, then timidly bit into it. “It’s okay. Dry.”

Harry grinned. “Try the one I marinated.”

Louis did. “This is confusing, but I don’t hate it.”

That was enough for Harry to feel proud. He grabbed a piece of his own and ate it happily with one hand as he started stirring the fire back up. Louis kept taking more bites, even when he then claimed disgust, and Harry laughed. “You don’t have to eat it, Lou!” The pet name just slid out, far too fond and intimate, but Louis just smiled and wrinkled his nose.

“It’s like I can’t stop. It’s so weird.”

“You’re weird,” Harry muttered back, no malice in his tone.

The fire was slowly coming back to life with a bit of poking and new wood, but the night had grown too chilly for that to be enough. Louis was curling into himself already. Harry felt brilliant when he pulled out some blankets and offered one to Louis.

Then he said, “So I have one last thing to share.” This was the bit that Harry was particularly excited about. He pulled out his iPad and a stand. “I thought you deserved to see the movie about mermaids that song you love is from.” He sang a few bars of “Part of Your World” and watched Louis’ face light up.

“Really? A movie?”

“Yeah. I told you, I wanted to show you stuff you wouldn’t have a chance to see normally.” He started pulling up the movie on his iPad and felt Louis’ gaze on him as he maneuvered through menus on the screen.

“It’s like magic,” he breathed.

Harry laughed. “It feels that way when you first see it, yeah.”

Louis inched closer to Harry to better see the screen as they settled down and pressed play. Louis was riveted. His running commentary about the film’s depiction of mermaids—"we don’t have royals!”—and jokes were only interrupted by gasps at the colors, music, and the thrill of it all.

Harry tried to sit very still, fighting off the urge to melt into Louis’ side. They were just inches apart, but touching was not something they usually did when they sat together. Louis was entrancing in this light. The fire way the fire bounced off his scales was mesmerizing. It shone in his now-dry hair, and it made his skin glow warm, golden. Harry just tugged his blanket tighter and tried to focus on the movie.

When the witch was introduced, Louis announced his outrage with her characterization. “Octopuses are so smart and kind. Why did they make the evil witch look like an octopus? One of my good friends is an octopus! I’m rofricky.”

Harry smiled at his passionate hand gestures and rosy cheeks. “You’ll have to take it up with Disney, Lou.”

“I sure will.”

“Though it might be hard to explain how your friend is an octopus.”

Louis sighed. “Right. That would be very hard to explain.”

When Ariel tried to kiss Prince Eric but fell out of their rowboat instead, Louis laughed, leaning his head back against Harry’s shoulder. “This movie is so funny!” he said softly, still chuckling breathily. Harry tensed, trying to act normal despite Louis’ head on his shoulder, trying to tamp down the instinct to move his arm around Louis’ side. Louis wiggled closer and sighed contentedly, eyes fixed on the screen, and Harry realized it was okay to touch. He let his arm drape around Louis, though his hand landed on a blanket rather than scales.

It was so much more comfortable to sit like that, leaning into each other. The rest of the movie passed quickly, and soon Harry was turning the iPad off and sitting in comfortable silence with Louis, enjoying the crackling of the fire once more. Their eyes drooped.

“Thank you for tonight,” Louis whispered, voice breaking the meditative sound of the fire and waves. “This was wonderful.” He wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck and hugged him. He smelled like sunshine and salt.

“You’re welcome. This was wonderful for me, too,” Harry whispered back.

When they pulled apart, Louis smiled wryly. “I guess we should go, huh.”

“I guess we should.”

“See you in the morning?”

“Of course,” Harry smiled.

Louis made his way down the sand until he was properly back in the water, then waved goodbye before disappearing into the waves.

Harry was left with a big mess to clean up but an even bigger smile.

~~~

“You missed a good time last night, you know,” Niall said, voice laced with barely concealed accusation.

“Oh, what did you three get up to?” Harry dodged. He hadn’t _missed_ lads’ night. He had just left early, again.

“Well we did this thing where we hung out together….” Niall was pointedly looking down at his meal, feigning nonchalance.

“That’s great. I had fun with you all.”

“Oh, shut up.” Niall’s eyes snapped up. “So, who is the guy, then?”

“What?”

“Well there’s gotta be somebody. You’re not getting any with Grimmy, and you’re ducking off early from your only social event. Is it a girl?”

Harry sputters. “How do you—you don’t know—”

“Grimmy told me that much, if that’s what you mean. Plus, I have _eyes_.”

Harry scoffs. “Well, I’m not seeing anyone.” Nialls eyes’ narrowed, but Harry continued, “Are you? That girl you took out before, how is it going?”

“Great, thank you,” Niall replied, tersely. “She is incredible, and I think she might be my girlfriend now. But I’m not letting you off the hook about this. I’m not gonna be left out of my writing partner’s life.” He took an aggressive bite of his burger and stared Harry down while he chewed.

“I’m glad things are working out for you with her. I hope I can meet her soon.” Harry didn’t know how to respond to the rest, so he just filled his mouth with salad.

At lads’ night that week, a girl with curly hair approached their table and struck up conversation. She slid into their booth, pressed up against Harry, and laughed with them. Her fingers touched his thigh under the table, and she bit her lip while she looked at him. Harry let her drag him over to the dance floor in the corner, ignoring Grimmy’s grumbling as they moved together. She pressed a kiss against the corner of his lips before she left. Ed elbowed him, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Niall nodded in approval, eyes following her as she left with her friends. Harry just took another sip of his drink and went to add a new song to the jukebox queue. He was just having fun.

~~~

Words were already tumbling out of Louis’ mouth when he popped up above the water. “Come look!”

Harry jolted to attention. He rose and ran toward the water, tossing his phone onto the sand so he wouldn’t have to replace it _again_. “What? What am I looking at?”

“My friend came. My octopus friend!”

Harry looked around blearily trying to focus on the blurring colors beneath the waves. “Where?”

“He’s pretty little. Just come under the water, you’ll see him.”

Harry ducked down and squinted his eyes open. By the time he got his bearings and saw what looked like a small pink blob he had to rise up for more air. “Shit,” he gasped, pushing his hair off his face.

Louis surfaced, too. “You really can’t stay down for long, can you?”

“No, sorry. Let me try again.” He sank back down into the water and waved as he oriented himself. There, in front of him, was a pink octopus moving his tentacles at him. Harry smiled and used the rest of his air to say, “Nice to meet you,” before shooting back up to breathe.

“He’s happy to meet you, too. He says your legs are almost as long as his.”

Harry laughed, still panting, as he rubbed at his stinging eyes. “Let me catch my breath, yeah?”

“Don’t worry. He’s gonna go, I think.” Louis dove back down into the water for a few beats, then came up to confirm. “All set, leg boy. He’s got some stuff to do. He says goodbye.”

Harry staggered toward the shore and plopped down on the sand, muttering nonsensically, “Goodbye. Good. Bi. I’m bi. I’m a good bi.”

“Y’alright?”

Harry hummed. “Need a minute. My heart is beating fast.”

“I’ve been meaning to show you stuff from my world, but I realize it’s not really possible since you can’t stay underwater long enough. Do you have those tanks of air? I see people with tanks of air sometimes.”

“Nah. I’ve never done scuba diving training or anything.”

“That’s a shame.”

“Yeah. Might have to look into that.”

Louis smiled. “Last night, my friends and I hung out and ate naf. We messed around in some currents.”

“What’s naf?”

“Oh, it’s a thing that grows. Not really a plant, but like…” he trailed off.

“An algae?” Harry offered.

“Maybe? I don’t know what that is, but naf is what we eat when we’re relaxing and having fun. It makes us feel good.”

“Like alcohol?”

“Something like that, I think.”

Harry turned on his side and propped his head on his hand. “I’m really glad you had a good night.”

“Me, too.”

They smiled at each other for a moment, face to face in the morning light.

“I have an idea,” Louis breathed. He closed his eyes, brow furrowed in thought. “I can breathe underwater through my gills. I could probably give you air.”

“Give me… air?”

“Yeah, like we would just have to create a seal to pass it.”

“I’m not sure I’m following.”

“Like, we could press our mouths together so I could give you air, and then you could stay underwater longer.” Louis was fiddling with his fingers. “So I could show you stuff, if it works. It’s just an idea.”

Harry felt a swooping in his gut at the idea of pressing his mouth to Louis’. It wasn’t like that, though. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Louis asked.

“Yeah. I’m down. Let’s see if it works.”

“Okay, then,” Louis repeated quietly, hand adjusting his hair on his forehead. “Um, so, I guess we should practice.”

Harry nodded. “Makes sense. We can try here, and then try it again in shallow water before we go to deeper water.”

Louis nodded jerkily. “Yeah okay. Maybe it won’t even work, but we can try, right?”

“Definitely. It’s a good idea.”

Louis licked his lips, a smile breaking through. “You ready, then?” He wiggled closer to Harry, closing the inches between them, and Harry’s breath quickened.

Why was he nervous? It’s not like he had never kissed his friends before. Although this _wasn’t_ kissing, he reminded himself. This was just lips pressing together for purely practical purposes.

Louis raised a hand to Harry’s cheek. “This okay?”

Harry swallowed. “Yeah.” Louis was so, so close now. His eyes were so bright, so earnest.

“Just keep your lips slightly parted, I think, and try to breathe in?” Louis said softly. His lips were mesmerizing.

“Okay.”

And then, Louis was guiding Harry’s head and pressing their lips together—gently, so gently. Harry froze, trying to remember to breathe in, trying to remember to breathe at all.

“Did that work?” Louis whispered, eyes searching.

Harry had no idea if it worked. “Um, I think so?”

“Okay.” Louis was nodding to himself. “So let’s try it in the water?”

They made their way into the shallows. “I’ll count down from three and then we can both go down,” Harry decided. “Three, two, one.”

Bubbles swirled around him as he sank under the surface. Louis was right there in front of him, hair drifting around his face. Louis reached out his hand and pressed his lips against Harry’s, and Harry let his part even as his eyes drifted closed. And then he was breathing underwater, drinking air from Louis’ soft lips as he swayed with the water. It was so serene, so absolutely wonderful, that he almost forgot to close his mouth when Louis pulled back.

They surfaced and stared at each other for a moment. “It worked.” Louis nearly sang the words, eyes bright. Harry couldn’t think, couldn’t form words. Luckily, Louis wasn’t waiting for any. He tugged his hand, pulling him into deeper water, until Harry couldn’t reach the bottom. “Let’s test it a bit deeper to be sure. I’ll count down.” Harry nodded, still speechless. “Three, two, one.”

They sank under the water again. Louis smiled at Harry, reaching out like he had before, but this time Harry was floating, unable to control his movements as precisely as Louis in open water. Louis steadied him, holding them together with a hand on his waist and his tail wrapped loosely around Harry’s legs. He felt safe in Louis’ embrace.

When Louis pressed their lips together, Harry felt electricity shoot through him, radiating from every place their bodies pressed together. His lips parted and moved against Louis’, hands clambering to touch Louis’ muscled back, the curve of his hips, his soft hair.

Louis breathed in sharply, digging his fingers into the curve of Harry’s hip. They were above the water now, Harry realized distantly as he breathed in the sunshine smell of Louis. They were kissing, gasping into each other’s mouths, and desperately tugging each other closer. Nothing else existed beyond Louis.

Wet, tender kisses were pressed against Harry’s temple, leaving his lips stranded. He smiled, lolling his head to the side, and lazily opening his eyes. Louis was gazing at him with so much awe and desire.

Thoughts drifted through Harry’s mind like clouds. He felt like he was floating. Actually, he _was_ floating. Louis was holding him, keeping them afloat in the deep water. He was so pretty, so amazing. Oh right, Louis was holding them up with his tail. Louis was a mermaid.

Harry tensed. _Louis had a tail._ He pushed away from Louis, who let him go easily despite the confusion skittering across his features. “Harry?”

No. No. No.

This was not okay. Louis was covered in scales. He had fins. He wasn’t even _human_ , really.

Harry could feel panic rising from his gut, his throat tightening.

“Are you okay?” Louis reached a hand toward him. “I’ll help you get to shore.”

But Harry shook his head. He flailed in the water, desperately trying to get farther from Louis. When his feet found the ground, he started running.

“Harry?” Louis’ voice sounded strangled.

Harry was panting, heart rabbiting in his chest, as he reached dry sand. He turned around to face Louis but closed his eyes, unable to look at his hurt eyes, his bewildered expression. “I can’t.” He swallowed. “I’m not sure what—I just—I can’t.” He opened his eyes, held his hand to his chest to hold his heart inside his chest. “I have to go.”

He found his phone in the sand and then he was gone, jogging away even as he struggled to breathe. He knew that if he turned around Louis would be watching him leave, face crumpled in pain. So he didn’t.

~~~

If you had asked Harry about the next few days, he would have said they were fine. He slept. He ate. He wrote melodies and responded to text messages. But he was just going through the motions. He kept music going to drown out his thoughts and blinked away memories of betrayed blue eyes and soft lips.

He did not go to the beach.

~~~

Harry’s doorbell rang, interrupting his evening of listening to Maggie Rodger’s debut album on repeat and staring at the ceiling. He wasn’t expecting anyone so he didn’t bother moving, but a few moments later the bell started ringing over and over again. He heaved himself off the couch and flung the door open.

“Let’s sort you out, eh?” Grimmy strode past him and started un-bagging Chinese takeout on the kitchen counter.

“What?” Harry’s voice sounded strange, even to his own ears.

“You clearly aren’t okay. I was elected to come deal with it.”

“Oh.” Harry really thought he had been acting normally, even though he bounced between agonizing numbness, guilt, and anxiety racing beneath the surface.

“I have lots of vegetables here for you, and we are going to figure this out.” Grimmy looked up, his gaze kind but firm. “Sit down.”

Harry climbed onto a stool at the counter obediently and piled a plate with food while Grimmy did the same.

“So,” Grimmy swallowed and poked his chopsticks in Harry’s direction, “what’s going on?”

Where should he start? What could he even say? Harry fumbled for words. “I, um, I’m just going through some stuff.”

“I’m not interviewing you on the radio, H. You don’t need to be so vague.”

“I’m not sure how to explain.”

“Just try. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Harry’s throat tightened. “ _I’m_ wrong. I’m all wrong.”

“Hmm. I could tell you that’s wrong because you’re just right, but that wouldn’t help probably.”

“No.”

“Well, why do you think you’re all wrong?”

“I have something wrong with me.” Harry took a deep breath and shook his head. “I’m just confused.”

Grimmy chewed thoughtfully, observing Harry pick at his broccoli. “I have never known you to be confused about your life. You usually know what you want and go for it. How is this different?”

“The problem is what I want.”

“Something impossible?”

“Something… wrong,” Harry corrected.

“What could you want that’s wrong? Murder?” Grimmy scoffed.

“Yeah, I want to murder you.” Harry rolled his eyes, but his words came out too soft to bite.

“I do find that to be a bit objectionable, but I’m biased.” Harry breathed out something almost like a laugh. Grimmy continued, “Look, there are very few things in the world that are bad to want, and I know you well enough to know you don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“I don’t want to hurt anyone,” Harry confirmed, looking up as Grimmy grasped his hand across the counter.

“I want you to feel okay. I don’t think you want anything wrong, Harry. There’s a lot of silly things people like to twist into something ugly, but that doesn’t really make them wrong. They’re just different.”

“But some things just aren’t…” Harry searched for the right word, “natural.”

“What, like gay people?” Grimmy raised an eyebrow sarcastically.

“Not like being gay. That’s okay. Obviously.” Harry gestured between them and grimaced.

Grimmy ignored that. “What’s natural is up for debate. It always has been. If it’s natural to you, if it makes you happy, then who the fuck cares.”

Harry stabbed at a chunk of sticky rice. “I care.”

“Why are you standing in your own way?”

“Because it’s not n—”

Grimmy interrupted. “Look, unless you’re secretly a pedophile or horse-fucker, it’s plenty natural. I used to sleep with a lot of old guys when I was like 20, right? Some people thought that wasn’t right because they had kids my age, but they were still human, weren’t they?”

Harry recoiled. Louis wasn’t human. That was the whole problem. Well, he wasn’t fully human, but he couldn’t explain that.

Grimmy continued, on a roll now. “And there was that lady who married a rock a couple years ago. Remember that?” Harry did not remember that. “That was so bloody weird, but good for her. She was happy. And all the kinky motherfuckers in the world do things like willingly get hurt.” He flung his arm wide, splattering the tabletop with sauce from his chopsticks. “That’s not ‘natural,’ but fuck it, it works for them.” He took a deep breath. “Want what you want, Harry. Life’s too fucking short to overthink it.”

He nodded. “Okay.”

“Yeah?” Grimmy leaned across the table, earnest.

“You’re right.”

“Usually am.”

“Shut up,” Harry murmured.

Those blue eyes were back, hovering on the back of his eyelids as his heart beat in his throat. _Louis._ He hadn’t seen it coming, hadn’t even realized what it was as it happened, but he wanted Louis. He wanted his laugh, his time, his lips…and maybe that was okay.

He managed to say, “Thank you,” around the encroaching tears.

Grimmy shot him a smile softer than Harry had seen on his face in months. “You’re welcome, Harry. We all need to get talked out of own asses sometimes. What’s the point of having an older friend if they can’t share some wisdom?”

Harry laughed thickly and dug into his food.

~~~

Harry didn’t have a speech planned when he went down to the beach the next morning. He just knew that he had to find Louis, that he had to explain. He knew he had messed up; he just hadn’t acknowledged how badly. How many days had he avoided the beach? How could he expect Louis to be there?

Watching the sun rise, he waited, but no familiar head appeared above the water. Harry stayed there on the beach until he felt his skin itching from the sun.

Niall was waiting for him when he got back to his house, but Harry didn’t bother explaining where he had been. There was too much regret to say anything else. He just sat down at the piano and started playing a soft melody. A beep announced that Niall had started a recording.

Harry mumbled and cried and let vulnerable words fall like stones from his lips until he was empty. “Forget what I said. It’s not what I meant.” He let his hands fall from the keys and slumped back. Niall was there to catch him, snaking his arm around Harry’s shoulders and hugging him against his side. Harry let himself be held, grateful for the forgiveness laced into his friend’s embrace. Even when he couldn’t tell him what was going on, Niall was still Harry’s best friend.

They turned his ramblings into a raw, heart-wrenching ballad over the next few afternoons. Like always, it felt good to transform something dark into something beautiful. Harry wasn’t ready to give it away, but he let Niall send it off anyway. It would hurt to hear that one on the radio.

Each morning, he sat on the beach just waiting and hoping. On the fifth morning, he waded into the ocean, stuck his head underwater, and screamed Louis’ name. He straightened his legs to breathe then sank back down under the water to yell, “I miss you!” He noticed Louis’ octopus friend, drifting near and staring him down. Harry wished they could talk, but instead the octopus swam off. No-one else appeared.

The next morning Harry almost didn’t get out of bed, almost didn’t go, but in the end he forced himself to. He couldn’t give up that easily. When he did step down onto the beach, he saw the sparkle of blue and green scales through the water by the mermaid rock and nearly tripped in his haste to get closer.

“Lou!” he cried, eyes searching for the familiar face. He found it, barely above the waterline.

“Hi.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m—” Harry fell to his knees in the sand, tears already hot in his eyes. “I missed you so much.”

“Are you okay?” Louis’ voice was soft, almost too quiet to hear over the waves.

“Sorta.” Harry licked his lips. He would be better when he made things better with Louis. There was a beat of silence. “Are you okay?” he asked.

Louis didn’t meet his eyes. “I’m okay.”

“Louis, I’m so glad you came—”

“What happened?” Louis’ voice was louder, more brittle.

“I was… scared.”

“Scared of me?”

“Of the way I feel about you,” Harry corrected softly. “You’re not exactly like anyone I know, but that shouldn’t matter. I just got scared.”

“I get it. I can’t compete with men with legs and,” Louis tugged his hand through his hair, “other stuff. I’m just a fish-man.” He laughed bitterly.

“No, Lou.” Harry hiccupped. “You’re beautiful.”

Louis bit his lip sadly. “It’s okay, Harry. Really.”

“I’m the one who kissed you!”

“After I set up a weird situation where I pressed my lips against yours!”

“I needed that extra push. I didn’t realize…”

“We can be friends, Harry.”

Harry swallowed. “If… if that’s what you want.”

Louis sighed and swam closer. He slid onto the beach beside Harry, a crease in his forehead as he thumbed away the tears clinging to Harry’s eyelashes. “I just want to be around you.” He whispered. “If you’re okay with that, I just _need_ to be around you.”

Harry shivered at his words. “I want to be around you, too. Everything is better with you.”

Louis’ lips tugged into a half smile. “I’m glad you came back.”

“I’ve been coming for days. I didn’t know if you would ever come back.”

“I didn’t know if _you_ would ever come back,” Louis whispered.

Harry reached his hand out slowly, so Louis knew it was coming, to rest it on Louis’ chest, right over his heart. “Please, please forgive me.” Harry’s voice cracked on the last word.

“Okay.” It seemed honest, but Louis’ eyes were still guarded.

Harry knew he had to be vulnerable. He curled his fingers against Louis’ chest and watched them as he spoke slowly. “I’m still scared, but I don’t want to let it win. Because I am not scared of you. You’re _amazing_ —so fucking amazing I can barely believe it.” Harry felt Louis’ heart beating under his palm, so sure even as it grew quicker. “I can’t ignore the way I feel. I’m scared, but… I still want to kiss you.”

When he looked up, Louis was staring at him, eyes blazing. His hand came up to cover Harry’s, holding him against his chest as they breathed heavily.

“So,” Harry leaned closer, “I’m going to kiss you now, if that’s okay.”

Louis nodded, and then their lips pressed together.

Harry thought he remembered every detail of kissing Louis, thought it was burned into his brain, but he realized that his memories didn’t do it justice. Kissing Louis was soft and warm, but it still crackled through him like lemon over ice on a hot afternoon. Kissing Louis was heady and sweet, better than any sangria. Their bodies pressed together so naturally. Despite their differences, they fit, and under their palms Louis’ heart pumped like the waves of the sea, so human and yet so wild.

~~~

It was easy once he knew how he felt, understood it, and knew Louis felt the same. It was so wonderful to lie wrapped together, gazing into each other’s eyes, talking about their families, their childhoods, their dreams. Every morning Harry woke with a smile on his face, happiness blooming in his chest. Every night he drifted off peacefully thinking about soft skin, warm lips, and that beautiful laugh.

Everything from how their moments together flew by in a blur of dopamine to the way their lips and fingers fit together was effortless. It was natural, fated, perfect.

Louis brought him little things from the ocean, pretty stones and unblemished shells. Harry liked to kiss his shoulder and whisper his thanks against his wet skin while Louis blushed. The gifts found a home on his bedroom windowsill, lined up like tiny trophies. His mouth tugged into the most lovesick smile every time they caught his eye.

In return, Harry came each day with something new to show Louis. He showed him carrots, perfume, paint, and so many songs. Getting to watch his fascination was yet another gift to Harry, though, so it didn’t seem fair. Louis would bend close to inspect his surprise, brow creased in concentration, until a grin spread slow across his face. And that grin was yet another gift Harry couldn’t return.

The only way he knew how to placate the overwhelming feelings in his chest was to kiss Louis. So he did. He kissed him to thank him and kissed him when he did something cute. He kissed him every hello, goodbye, and “I’ve just remembered how lucky I am”. He kissed him until his lips were chapped. He started applying lip masks before bed just to make sure he could kiss Louis some more.

Lyrics poured out in a startlingly polished state. Melodies came easily. He recorded tunes he hummed while he cooked or walked. Inspiration was everywhere, and completed songs came together easily.

Of course, most of the songs were love songs. Maybe love was too strong, Harry thought, but they were songs about a lover, about infatuation and adoration. Niall barely even wrote on them. He would try to suggest lyrics and harmonies, but he couldn’t keep up with Harry.

Plus Niall seemed to have given up asking what was going on with Harry. He was uncharacteristically quiet. Then at lad’s night Niall groaned and said, “I’m pretty sure I’m out of a job. Harry’s been on fire lately. I don’t even do anything.”

Harry was quick to remind him about the great riff he had added to a song the week before and a drum line that totally took their last song to the next level. “You’re killing it, too, Niall. I’m just finally out of my rut. I’ll run dry soon.”

It was meant to be a joke. It was all meant to be lighthearted, but no one laughed.

“Right, well, I’m glad I could be there to add a drumbeat,” Niall said sarcastically, then shoved off his seat and went over to the bar.

Ed patted Harry’s head awkwardly. “It’ll be okay. He’s just jealous.”

Silence hung heavy for a moment as they watched Niall order a drink.

“What if you wrote on your own and then brought it to him to fix up or improve? That would make him feel like he’s actually doing something when you’re together,” Grimmy suggested.

It had been a long time since he properly wrote on his own. He sometimes wrote the beginning of something, but then he brought it to Niall to keep working. Even now, in this rush of creativity, Harry was used to Niall being in the room. “Yeah, maybe,” he agreed softly.

In the end, they did decide to try that. Harry would call when he had something to work on, and Niall would come over to finish it up. The house felt empty without him, though. It was too quiet, too orderly. Harry realized that he routinely bought way too much food for one person, so when Niall came over he had it ready for him, laid out in bowls like a proper host. Niall took one look at it and walked into the studio emptyhanded. Harry figured he was right. It was forced and formal in a way he had never been with Niall. 

“You can go through the cabinets if you want anything,” Harry mumbled.

“I’m fine,” Niall said back airily. And that was the end of that.

They worked until the song was done, and then Niall was gone again. So Harry still had way too much food, and his big house was still too lonely.

The next morning, Louis caught him frowning into the distance in a moment of silence and coaxed it out of him. He listened, then suggested, “Maybe you should have a party. Invite people to come to yours. They can eat your food.”

Harry almost laughed. He wanted his writing partner back, not just to have people around to eat his food, but it was an intriguing idea. “Maybe I will.”

“I think it would be fun!”

“You couldn’t come, though.”

Louis grabbed Harry’s hand. “Don’t worry about that, love. Just have fun with the people you care about. I’ll be here.”

Louis would always be _here_ , in the ocean. It was a reassurance as much as it was frustrating. Harry’s brow furrowed, imagining a world where Louis could be at his party, dancing with him, meeting his friends……. That wasn’t going to happen, though. He had to aim for the next best thing. “Will you wait up for me?”

“Tonight?” Louis looked confused.

“No, when I have my party.”

“Oh. Why?”

“It’s probably silly. I just thought I might want to see you… after I see everyone else.”

Louis smiled shyly. “That sounds nice.”

Harry kissed him, and Louis giggled. His laugh sounded so different up close—a bit deeper, sweeter—but no less musical. “I’ll tell you when it’s coming up, then, so you can meet me.”

“Perfect.”

Later, Harry sat down to make a plan. It was too close to the weekend already, Harry reasoned. So he planned for the next weekend and shot messages to every friend and fond acquaintance in the area. He would rather have too many people there than too few, and it was a nice excuse to get people together, anyway.

He was excited about it, really, but it still didn’t compare to the thrill of spending time with Louis.

~~~

The thing about parties was that Harry never knew what to do with himself. He either drank and got rowdy, or he tried to be responsible and keep an eye on everyone. People expected both from the host of a party, and he didn’t know how to balance that.

He settled for holding a glass of white wine in his hand as he mingled, greeting guests and dancing. If Ed kept topping it off, he didn’t notice, but the room was tilting a bit so he figured he must’ve had enough. Toppling into a nearby armchair with a huff, Harry let his eyes close. He had carefully curated the music, an eclectic mix of indie pop, rap, and 70s rock. (If he snuck in a few too many of his own songs, no one had to know. He wanted those streaming royalties.) The volume was perfect, just loud enough to be danceable but still quiet enough for conversation. He was, in all fairness, a genius.

His chair jostled under the weight of something new, and Harry forced his eyes to flutter open. It was Grimmy. Harry smiled up at him.

“So, this party is incredible, but I have to wonder if you wanna sneak off for a minute.” The “with me” was implied.

Harry shook his head, brows furrowed. He couldn’t quite remember why, but he knew that wasn’t a good idea. He also didn’t like the implication. “’m with my friends. I’m not gonna leave them.”

Grimmy rolled his eyes. “Right now you’re just sitting in this chair looking lost.”

“Well, this chair is also my friend.”

“Mmmhmmm,” Grimmy hummed sarcastically.

Harry shoved at his hip half-heartedly. “Bugger off if you don’t like my chair.”

Grimmy got up, and Harry grinned to himself. He had succeeded at pushing Grimmy off his chair. He hugged a pillow to his chest and whispered, “Sorry, chair. He’s dumb.”

The party was good. Everyone was eating his food and having fun, and he had caught up with so many people he didn’t get to see often. But he still felt weary, because of all the people that came, Niall was not one of them.

Eventually he left his chair and got back to dancing. Cara and Ashley had swapped out the music with their party bangers mix, and it was late enough in the evening that Harry didn’t mind. He wiggled his hips and swayed his arms in the air and let the rhythm set his heartrate. After a while, though, their hands started to wander up each other’s thighs, and they said their goodbyes.

Without them, the music reverted to Harry’s playlist and the energy level dropped. Circles formed on the ground, clumps of guests playing games or telling stories. It was harder to know where to go then, when he couldn’t mingle as easily. After deliberating under the guise of mixing a cocktail, he decided he should start with his old Los Angeles friends; he saw them the least.

But as soon as he went to join them, they stood up. A guy he used to work with clapped him on the back. “We were going to head down to the beach! We wanna experience the pristine Malibu beach you keep bragging about.”

“Oh, okay! I’d love to show you.”

The guy, Luke, smiled widely. “Yeah? That would be great. I’ve been wanting to catch you for more conversation anyway.”

“Definitely.”

Harry announced their departure, inviting anyone who wanted to join. Most people either joined or left. He used the bags he had used for his beach picnic to gather drinks, games, and blankets, and then they were off, a tipsy crew traipsing through the night.

Luke offered to hold one of the bags, which Harry appreciated because he was not particularly coordinated with alcohol in his system. Luke probably knew that because he had eyes. Harry laughed at the thought.

“What?” Luke asked from beside him.

“Huh? Oh.” He blushed. “I laughed because I made a joke in my head.”

“Ah. Regular old comedy club up there.” Luke smiled over at him, eyes warm and kind.

“Guess so,” Harry responded with another laugh. “So how have you been doing?”

“Good. Things are changing with work, though. I’m actually looking at some places to live around here.”

“Oh wow. You’re thinking of moving up here?”

“Yeah. It seems like a wonderful place, and it’s nice that I already know people here.” Luke’s smile was shy.

“It _is_ wonderful here. You could come out with Niall, Ed, Grimmy, and I sometime when you’re up here—even before you move.”

“I would love that.”

“Just let me know when you’ll be in town.” Harry grinned.

“I will. What about you? Still writing genius songs?”

“Still writing songs—not sure if they’re genius, though.” They had reached the beach, Harry realized. He dropped his bags. “Well, here we are!”

His guests were skipping in the surf, wading into the water, and squishing their toes in the wet sand. He showed them how to find the little crabs hiding in the sand and how just up the beach was a better sand dune. Then he laid down on the sand and closed his eyes, just listening to the laughter and conversation. He was content.

Time slid by. People said goodnight a few at a time, peeling off from the group. Luke offered to carry things back to the house, and Harry let him take a bag. Ed left in a flurry once he noticed Uber surge pricing had gone down. His neighbors finally turned in for the night a bit later, and suddenly it was only Harry and Grimmy, lying propped up on their elbows watching the waves.

“It was a good night,” Harry said. Everything was pleasantly slow in his brain.

“It was,” Grimmy agreed. His eyes flickered down Harry’s body. “You’re so pretty, always so pretty,” he whispered.

“Thanks.”

“The moon makes you glow. I don’t normally get to see you like this.”

“The moon is our friend.” It felt very dear to Harry in that moment, a benevolent being illuminating their world.

“Yes, I suppose she is,” Grimmy laughed, placing his hand on Harry’s cheek. “I’m gonna need to kiss you now.”

Harry loved kissing. Lips were so magical, so soft; they laughed so pretty. He sighed dreamily and leaned toward Grimmy, and then they were kissing. Well, their lips were together, but it didn’t seem right. It was too wet and not soft enough. His brows knitted together, uncertain. The skin under his hands wasn’t damp and warm.

A splash in the ocean caught his attention, sobering him. Pulling away from Grimmy, he turned toward the water but saw only unbroken waves rolling toward shore. He knew that sound by heart.

“Lou,” he whispered. He remembered, in a horrible rush, that he was supposed to meet Louis here after the party.

Grimmy cocked his head, looking around. “Who?”

“My… my—” Harry didn’t know what Louis was to him, he realized. It’s not like they ever decided to be boyfriends. They just kissed… a lot. He settled for, “My friend.” Whatever Louis was to him, Grimmy shouldn’t know about him anyway. Grimmy raised an eyebrow, unsatisfied, and Harry stuttered, before tacking on, “I forgot I was supposed to, um, call him.”

“Oh. Well you can call him tomorrow. No stress.” Grimmy put his hand on Harry’s thigh in what he must have intended to be a comforting manner, but Harry inched away.

“No, no. I really need to–I gotta call him now.”

Grimmy harrumphed and flopped back on the sand. “Fine. Go ahead.”

“Um, actually, can I be alone? It’s a bit private.”

Grimmy scoffed but stood and muttered, “Goodnight,” before stomping off through the sand.

Louis had seen him kiss Grimmy. Just that thought made his insides feel like lead.

He looked over his shoulder and couldn’t see Grimmy anymore. So he chanced it. “Louis?” His voice was weak and shaky. He swallowed and tried again, raising his voice, but the waves remained impassive as ever. He was so tired of it. He just wanted to tell Louis what happened, wanted to say it really wasn’t anything. He picked up a rock and threw it as hard as he could into the water. It didn’t even make a satisfying splash among the waves.

He bit his lip too hard, swallowing the lump in his throat even as the one in his gut grew. Harry hadn’t done anything wrong, exactly, but it wasn’t right either. Louis knew Harry would hear that splash when he left. It was meant to be heard. He stared up at the moon and wondered if she saw him fucking everything up.

He could barely get himself to leave the shore, but he knew his home was unlocked, with food that needed to be put away strewn on the counters. His walk home felt long with his bags and his worries weighing him down. He cleaned as much as he could, drank two full glasses of water, set an alarm, and fell into bed.

~~~

Harry had never seen Louis angry before. It turned out mermaids could hiss.

He held up his hands. “Lou, please. I was drunk.”

Louis’ eyes flashed, and Harry was struck by how strong he seemed in this state, a storm waiting to happen. ~~~~

“I will not be treated badly. I will not,” Louis growled.

“I don’t want to treat you badly. I made a mistake.”

“Who is he?”

“That was my friend Grimmy.” He sucked his lip into his mouth and chewed at it anxiously.

“The radio man.” Louis nodded to himself. “Are you still… hooking up?” He pronounces “hooking up” carefully but with evident distaste.

“No.”

Louis laughed. “Okay.” A stream of words Harry couldn’t understand fell from his lips as he shook his head in disbelief.

Harry just wanted to hold Louis’ hand and look into his eyes so he could see that this was the truth, but Louis turned his back to him as soon as he stepped toward the water.

“Lou, I haven’t done anything with him for a while now. He wasn’t interesting to me when I had you. I swear. He kissed me, and I knew right away it wasn’t right because it wasn’t _you._ ” He was shivering with emotion. “Please, Lou. He’s not who I want.”

Louis turned back toward him, tears just starting to slip from his eyes. “Harry, I know you have so many other people. I don’t.” His voice was just a whisper. “How am I supposed to believe you want me?”

“But I _do_.” Harry’s voice cracked, but he held Louis’ gaze. “I want your laugh, your—your stories and jokes. It doesn’t matter who else I know. I just want _you_.”

Louis searched his gaze for a long moment. “Okay.”

“You believe me?”

Louis nodded, lips turning up at the edges ever so slightly, and that was all it took to send Harry running into the water. He buried his face against warm wet skin, tangled his hands in wet hair and held him tight. When their lips met, Harry knew this was everything that had been missing when Grimmy had kissed him.

He pulled back to breathe. “Be my boyfriend, Lou.”

“Your boyfriend?”

“Please?”

Louis’ brow pinched. “What’s a boyfriend? Is that different than just a boy who is your friend?”

Harry smiled so wide his dimples ached. “ _So_ different. It’s your lover, your partner, your only one.”

“Oh.” Louis rubbed his thumb along Harry’s cheekbone and spoke softly. “Aren’t I already?”

Ducking down to hide his smile, Harry sighed happily against Louis’ chest. “Yes. Of course. You are, but in the human world we like to confirm it out loud to make it official.”

Louis shook his head and laughed before grabbing both of Harry’s hands in his and adopting a serious face. “Harry, will you be my boyfriend?”

Harry bit his lip, playing coy, before blurting, “Yes!” In an instant the serious façade broke. They were kissing again, laughing into each other’s mouths.

“You’re so pretty.”

“You’re prettier than the sunrise.”

“You’re my _boyfriend_.”

“No way. You’re my boyfriend, too!”

When their laughter finally subsided, they stayed in the waves, wrapped in each other, content to watch the sun rise and feel the other’s breaths. Brilliant colors unfolded, shifted, and mixed across the sky, lighting up clouds like stained glass.

Harry broke the silence, murmuring, “I promise to treat you well,” against his boyfriend’s skin. There was an apology laced into the words. He wouldn’t do anything less than treat him Louis, treasure him.

~~~

Things were better, so much better after that, but Harry still couldn’t sleep easily. He hadn’t planned for a way to get Niall acting normal again beyond the party. All he could do now was try to talk to him.

At lad’s night, Harry waited for a moment to catch Niall alone. His moment came when Ed went to the loo and Grimmy took a call outside. “So how have you been?” he asked, tone light.

Niall shrugged, neutral. “Been alright. I assume you won’t tell me how you’ve been?”

“No, I’d like to tell you. I’ve been pretty good, but it’s been sad for me to be working alone.”

“Not sure why you need me.”

“You’re my friend, Niall. I miss my friend.”

Niall pursed his lips. “Me too. Too bad my friend is no longer interested in telling me anything about his life.”

 _Oh._ Harry felt dumb. _Of course_ that was the root of Niall’s frustration. Taking a deep breath, he decided to do something he hadn’t planned. “I actually wanted to tell you something.”

Niall turned away, trying unsuccessfully to hide the eagerness on his face. “Whatever.”

“I have a boyfriend.”

Niall gasped. “You annoying little shit! I knew it!” He punched Harry’s arm but then pulled him into a hug. “Tell me everything.”

Harry hesitated. He had to be careful here, but he could see a way forward. “His name is Louis. He’s gorgeous, just absolutely the most stunning thing I’ve ever seen.”

“What does he do?”

“He’s a, um, singer.”

“Hell yeah! Will he sing any of our songs? Who is his label?”

Harry mentally grimaced. “Nah, not that kind. He performs.”

“Well, you know we can hook him up whenever. Oh my god, this is so exciting.”

“It really is.” Harry grinned. It felt better than he could have imagined to be able to talk about him.

“When can I meet him?”

Harry wanted to smack himself. Instead, he swallowed and lied. “He lives a bit far actually. And he has… he has weird work hours.”

“Ah, that’s a shame.”

“You said it.” He laughed tightly.

“Well, this is great news still.”

“You gonna come over and help me write sappy love songs?”

Niall groaned exaggeratedly. “Fineeeeee.”

Harry spotted Ed making his way toward them in the crowd. “Look, Niall. This is still so new. I don’t wanna get interrogated, ya know? So please don’t tell the other lads.”

Niall just quirked a brow and nodded before slapping his hand on Ed’s back in greeting. Niall was going to have more questions, and eventually the lads would find out, too. Harry was going to have to lie. But for now, he let himself have this moment of happiness. He let himself appreciate having his friend back. He would deal with the rest as it came.

~~~

He wasn’t in the habit of thinking too much about the fact that he was dating a mermaid, because it was pretty odd if he let his mind linger too long on it. But sometimes, that difference felt pressing, like right now, when his dick pressed against his shorts, begging for release.

They were tangled up in each other on the sand, panting as they caught their breaths. Harry smoothed a hand down Louis’ chest, feeling his warm skin and firm muscles… then the scratch of scales. He didn’t know what he was expecting to find, but he didn’t find it. Of course, he didn’t. 

He gazed at Louis’ swollen lips and blown pupils with an equal amount of hunger and uncertainty. Normally, what came next was obvious, but not when your boyfriend’s hips turned into a smooth plane of scales.

He surged forward to kiss Louis again, to mask the look that must be on his face. Their mouths became sloppy, wet and imprecise, the way they got when pleasure ran through every limb. His brain short-circuited and he jerked his hips forward with a gasp. They wouldn’t be fucking, though, he reminded himself. He didn’t even think they could.

Their lips parted with a slick sound. Some of his spit glistened on Louis’ bottom lip, and he marveled at it, leaning forward to suck it into his mouth, but Louis stopped him with a hand on his chest.

“What is—” Louis broke off, breathing heavily. “What is that?”

Harry blinked a few times to process words. “What is what?”

“That.” Louis pointed between them to where Harry’s shorts were tented obscenely.

Harry laughed awkwardly. “Sorry. You’re just, really hot.”

Louis bit his lip and leaned closer. “What do you mean? Is that something you brought to show me? I didn’t notice it earlier.” As he spoke, he reached out and touched, and Harry couldn’t stifle his moan. “Oh.” Louis’ eyes went dark. Quirking his head to the side, he slowly moved his hand across the bulge. Harry hissed, his hand clenching into a fist.

“Lou, you don’t have to—” He broke off on a whimper when Louis wrapped his hands around it as best he could through the fabric.

“It makes you feel good,” Louis whispered. “It’s part of you.”

“Yeah,” Harry managed to agree in a strangled voice. “It’s my dick. It gets—hard when I’m—when I’m aroused.”

“Can I see?”

The beach was as empty as ever, and the mermaid next to him would be the bigger problem anyway if anyone did wander by. So Harry unzipped his shorts, sighing at the relief. Louis’ hands were on his underpants’ hem in an instant. His blue eyes flicked up, searching for consent, and then Harry was exposed, dick standing proudly from his hips.

“So that’s my dick!” Harry said jokingly, not sure what to do next. He’d never felt embarrassed by it before, but all Louis did was look. He tried to find some hideous flaw. “Is it…alright?”

Louis licked his lips, eyes still fixed on it. “Yeah.”

“They're are a bit weird looking, I know.” He shrugged, hoping it came off casually.

“No, it’s great.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.” Louis reached forward and prodded it then watched it sway. “How does it work?”

“Um, it’s soft, usually, but sometimes it gets hard and bigger. This is what I use for sex.”

Louis ran his fingers up the shaft and tugged at the foreskin, making Harry squirm. “What do you do with it for sex?”

“Well, I can put it in someone.”

Louis tore his wide eyes away to look at Harry. “ _In_ someone?”

“Yeah—there are, um, holes in women for that. It’s how we make babies.”

Louis traced his fingers along the frenulum. “What about men?”

“Oh, right, well for men there’s another hole that we use. Women have it, too, actually, but it doesn’t work as well for them.”

“Oh. So you have a hole, then?”

Harry blushed as Louis seemingly looked around for a hole. “I do. It’s just….” He gestured below his balls, and Louis peered between his legs.

“Does that hole feel good, too?”

“Yeah, when it’s done right,” Harry swallowed. He felt more exposed than he had in years.

Louis touched his thighs, pulled at the thick haze of hair there, then buried his face in Harry’s pubes. He inhaled deeply. “You smell so much like you, here.”

Harry shrugged. “Kiss me? I feel so weird like this.” So Louis did.

When he pulled back, Louis looked determined. “Can I make you feel good even without a hole?”

“Uh, yeah. We have lots of other ways of getting off. Touching is really great.”

Louis nodded and returned his hand to Harry’s cock, circling it lightly. “Tell me what to do.”

Oh. Oh god. Louis looked so pretty and so determined, and Harry wasn’t sure he was ready for this. He definitely didn’t feel like he could talk Louis through this without dying of embarrassment. “How about I show you?” Harry wrapped his hand around Louis’ and slowly raised and lowered them, shivering at the sensation. “It’s like that, but you can do it faster.”

Louis nodded and started moving his hand over Harry’s cock. Almost as if on instinct, he twisted his hand a bit, forcing a moan from Harry’s lips. “Like this?”

“Yes. That feels—wow—so good.”

Harry’s breaths came heavy as he watched the concentration and curiosity on Louis’ face, the way his pink tongue stuck out between red lips as he gained speed. It had been a while since someone else touched him, and this wasn’t just anyone. This was Louis, whose hair was currently glowing in the sunlight like a halo. Mischievous blue eyes flicked up to meet his own, and he knew he couldn’t last.

“Lou, fuck, I’m gonna—”

Louis’ brows furrowed, then shot up in surprise as come spilled over his fingers in hot pulses. “Oh.” He pulled his hand away. “Is that normal?”

Harry was still gasping through his orgasm, but he managed to sputter something to set Louis’ mind at ease. When his eyes finally fluttered open, he saw Louis holding his hand away from his body and looking disgusted. “It comes out when I orgasm—erm, when I max out on pleasure. It’s the stuff that makes babies.” 

Louis pulled his hand closer to inspect the white stuff. “Huh.”

That was the final straw of the weirdest interaction Harry had ever had. He started laughing, and he couldn’t stop. He tugged Louis down against him and peppered kisses all over him as he laughed. Louis shrieked and shoved his come-covered hand into Harry’s hair. They found themselves giggling, then kissing, then giggling some more.

When they flopped back against the sand to breathe, smiling at each other, Harry remembered he was half naked. He reached to pull his clothes up but paused to show Louis his soft dick. Louis poked it, stretched it, and bent it. “It’s fun,” he announced like a scientific conclusion, before tucking it away. “I like dicks.” 

Harry just laughed and kissed him again.

~~~

They talked about it one lazy morning when Harry felt comfortable enough to broach the subject. Apparently, mermaids reproduced externally like fish. (Not that Harry had really ever thought about how fish reproduced, but he did google it after that.) “How do you feel close to your partners?” Harry asked.

Louis tilted his head up to stare at him from his perch in Harry’s lap. “Like this.” His tone implied a “duh,” and Harry realized that his arms were wrapped around Louis’ middle, their limbs folded together, Louis’ back flush to his chest. Their breaths came in the same comforting rhythm.

“Oh.” He felt a blush bloom on his cheeks.

“Don’t you feel close to me?”

“I do. Of course.”

There was a silence before Louis asked, “Is it different?”

“What?”

“Is sex a different feeling of closeness?”

“Yeah, it’s different….” Harry knew he had to be careful how he said this. He didn’t want to make Louis feel like he wasn’t good enough. “It’s passionate. All these chemicals come out to make you feel great, make you feel like touching someone and being touched is like… magical.”

Louis twisted to face Harry. “It’s like that when we kiss sometimes.”

“Yeah, it is,” he whispered. Louis lifted his chin, and they came together, lips warm and soft.

When he pulled back, Louis asked, “Is that what it was like with the radio host?”

Harry jerked at that. “No. No, I was describing what it’s like when people who are together have sex, when there are feelings. Grimmy was never like that.”

Louis nodded for a moment. “Partnered mermaids do this thing together where they like,” he twisted his hands around each other. “They swim together, around each other, to go faster, and it requires being really in sync with each other, but if you do it right, you get this rush.”

“That sounds really, really nice. What’s that called?”

“Safrey.” Louis said the word slowly, let it roll off his tongue with reverence.

“Safrey,” Harry echoed.

“I never thought about it that way but doing that makes them feel close.”

Harry watched the way Louis’s eyes seemed far away, picturing something deep under the sea. He wanted to do that with Louis, wanted that more than anything. But he couldn’t possibly hold his breath that long. Instead, he just pushed his fingers through Louis’ hair and let the familiar feeling pull a fond smile onto his face.

“We’re close.”

“Too close.” Louis smirked and wrinkled his nose. “You smell like the land.”

“Ew.”

“Exactly.”

They scrambled into the water to fix that. Harry found himself pulling bits of seaweed from unmentionable places for days.

~~~

Every day was a blur of working and waiting, like he only existed when he saw Louis. The balmy calm of autumn crept in before Harry even realized time was passing.

The hunger in his writing mellowed into something gentler, sweeter. He wanted to write songs that captured the way Louis made him feel—like he was breathing pure oxygen. He knew people who did that, paid to sit in tanks of 100% oxygen. It was revitalizing, healing. Harry got that every morning.

When Louis spoke about his family, describing each sibling with the fondest exasperation, Harry was happy to listen. He basked in Louis’ words, the humor and kindness laced into all of it. And Louis listened, too. He seemed to understand the slow way Harry spoke and knew to wait for his whole thought to unfurl. When he was around the lads, he felt the difference.

They spoke over him, laughed when he took too long to get to the point. There was never any malice, and sometimes they did listen all the way through, but it wasn’t the same as with Louis.

Plus, Grimmy was still grumpy. They’d never discussed what happened at the party, never discussed the fact that Harry was permanently uninterested in Grimmy. Eventually it was going to come out that Harry was dating someone. But even though he knew it would be the easiest way to make Grimmy shut up, he was not keen to start that conversation.

Already Niall had too many questions. _When was Louis coming to visit? Could he see photos of him? Why did Harry have such odd hours to spend time with him?_

Harry lied.

Of course, he lied, but he hated it—hated lying. Hated the blush that would rise to his cheeks, the certainty that he wasn’t very convincing. He said Louis was busy working night shifts and taking care of his siblings. He got Louis to pose for a photo—from the shoulders up—to show Niall, but he said Louis barely even knew what Facebook was. That much was true. Sticking to partial truths made it easier.

And when Louis asked him to take a day trip and Harry rented a kayak and followed him out into the sea to some gorgeous little island that was _all theirs_ , he told Niall about it. He told him about the pristine sand and the sea breeze, how it ruffled Louis’ hair just so, and how he loved listening to him explain every sea creature they spotted.

He just left out some details, like Louis swimming beside him rather than kayaking or that Louis didn’t always know the English words for those sea creatures. He added some details too—said Louis had a rare day off and had childcare sorted out. At least the last part was true. 

And for a while that was enough. Eventually, though, Niall slipped up.

The lads were discussing the upcoming holidays, and Niall turned to him. “Whose home are you going to for Thanksgiving?”

Harry’s brow furrowed. He always went to his mum’s house to celebrate the American food holiday. “My mum’s, like usual.”

Niall nodded. “Wasn’t sure if you would go to Louis’.”

Harry’s eyes widened, and Niall—to his credit—looked horrified as he realized what he had just done. The panic on their faces was evident enough that the mild confusion on Ed and Grimmy’s faces turned into outright excitement.

“Who is Louis?” Ed crowed. “You been keeping secrets, Harry?”

Harry shook his head, thoughts racing. There didn’t seem to be a good way out of this. “Louis is my, um….” The moment felt so similar to the night on the beach with Grimmy, except this time he could label his relationship to Louis with confidence. “Louis is my boyfriend.”

Ed whistled. Grimmy raised his beer to him then tipped it back. Niall grinned and slapped his back.

The deluge of questions came. _Why hadn’t Harry said anything sooner? What’s Louis like? Can they see a picture?_ Harry had answers, real or fake, for all of them, until Grimmy leaned back and asked, “So when do we meet him?”

Harry couldn’t say the truth: They would never meet Louis. Instead he shrugged. “One of these days, I’m sure. His schedule is a bit odd, though.” It was short, vague, but the lads accepted it. The excuse wouldn’t work forever, Harry knew, but it was good enough for the moment.

Later when Ed and Niall went to grab the next round of drinks, Grimmy bumped Harry with his shoulder. “You could have told me, you know. I didn’t understand why you were acting differently.”

Harry hadn’t felt like he could tell Grimmy, but that had less to do with his friend and more to do with the tail attached to Louis. “It just felt private. It was still new, and I didn’t know what to say because nothing was official. But yeah… I don’t wanna hookup anymore.”

Grimmy nodded. “I gathered that a while ago. Shit for me because I don’t have anyone else at the moment. Work’s too busy to date as always. But I get it.”

Harry rubbed some condensation from his glass, smiling wryly. “I’ll pass along any leads, yeah?”

Grimmy just laughed.

~~~

Going home for the holiday was hard. Harry had to leave Louis behind, and when his mum and sister asked him questions about his love life, he had to lie. No matter how many wonderful dishes they whipped up, or how fun it was to decorate the Christmas tree, it didn’t stop the longing to return to his beach. It felt like part of his body was somewhere else.

When he got home, he ran down to the beach and called for Louis, but he didn’t come.

The next morning, Louis kissed him fervently. He hadn’t come the day before because he was minding the kids. His mother was expecting a hatching soon. “I missed you so much, Harry,” he whispered, brows drawn together earnestly. His fingers traced every bit of Harry like he was checking for injuries or missing parts.

Harry shivered under Louis’ touch. “I missed you to, Lou.” He watched Louis’ face, took in his long eyelashes and sea blue eyes. He needed to be closer to Louis, always.

A little research online and a few hundred dollars later, he was registered for scuba diving classes. And despite how wonderful it was to explore under the water and how sore he was from the exertion some days, he didn’t say a word about it. He was determined to surprise Louis one day. He could take him on a date under the sea, be with him in his world. Maybe they could even safrey if Harry practiced enough. He would practice so much if it meant he could give Louis that. 

That felt like enough until one morning Harry caught Louis looking at him and biting his lip so hard it turned white.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just was wondering….” Louis looked away, up the shoreline. “I have been wondering something.”

“You can ask me.”

“I know. Well, I knew you would say that.”

“Of course.”

“I just don’t want it to come off wrong.”

“I won’t jump to conclusions. I promise.” Harry raised his hands in the air and leaned forward. “It’s okay.”

Louis turned back to study his face. Harry tried to convey the sincerity of his words in his gaze. He wanted Louis to feel comfortable asking anything, even if his chest was fluttering nervously.

Louis pulled at his fingers for a moment, then all in one breath asked, “Would you ever become a mermaid?”

Harry stared at Louis’ tense shoulders and flexed jaw in shock. He didn’t know what to say. What felt like an eternity later, he finally formed words. “I didn’t think I could even become a mermaid. I don’t know how.”

“You just find a witch.”

“Like your mum?”

“Right.” Louis nodded.

“But I don’t know how to find a witch.”

“You have your fancy things. You could do it.”

Harry paused. “Maybe.” He could search online and scroll through forums. There was silence again, just the crashing of the waves on the shore.

“So would you? Would you ever become a mermaid?” Louis sounded annoyed, but Harry could hear the edge of vulnerability in his voice.

“I, um… I don’t know.” Harry’s head was reeling. Could he ever leave his life behind? He would lose his family and career. He wouldn’t be able to play the guitar or cook or run. He swallowed, then corrected himself quietly. “Actually, I, um, I don’t think I ever could. I would miss too much.”

Louis nodded once. “Okay.”

An apology was on the tip of Harry’s tongue but he swallowed it back. He wouldn’t apologize for not wanting to give up everything. Plus, they were fine like this, right?

Harry wanted to know if Louis would ever consider becoming human, but he knew already that Louis didn’t know any witches. So he didn’t bother asking.

Instead he slid closer to Louis and wrapped his arms around his chest. “I love you. Don’t forget that.”

Louis ducked his head down and pressed his lips against Harry’s arms.

The sun came up. The day went on. But the guilt stayed lodged in Harry’s heart.

~~~

Louis was recounting what he’d done since their last meeting, when Harry realized something with a start. For all the discussion about his choir and the occasional quiet crooning, Louis had never sung for Harry.

“Lou—” Harry interrupted.

Louis cocked his head. “Yeah?”

“Why have you never sung for me?”

“Oh.” Louis blushed a dark rosy color. “I don’t know. It’s just different to sing on my own, and I’m shy.”

“But it’s _me_.”

“Who?” Louis asked with faux confusion. “Who are you again?”

Shoving his shoulder, Harry said, “Come on. I’d really love to hear you sing.”

Louis’ lips pursed, unwilling. It was only after a few minutes of cajoling and kissing that he relented. “Fine!” He scooted further from Harry and arranged himself primly. “I will sing for you.”

Grinning, Harry laced his fingers together in his lap and sat expectantly. “Ready when you are, Lou.”

Louis took a deep breath and started vocalizing. It didn’t sound like the singing Harry knew. It was percussive and rhythmic, but not like rap or jazz. It was otherworldly, which he supposed made sense.

Louis stopped, grimacing. “It sounds wrong.”

“I like it!” Harry was quick to assure him. “It’s so interesting.”

“No. It doesn’t sound right above water.”

“Oh um, I can hold my breath while you sing for a bit,” Harry suggested, gesturing toward the waves. He widened his eyes imploringly.

Louis sighed through a smile. “Okay.”

They moved out into the water but stayed shallow enough that Harry could easily stand to breathe.

Watching Louis underwater was always fascinating. His strength and grace were overwhelming to Harry every time. His hair came to life in the water's currents, and his eyes shone like beacons. Harry knew firsthand how hard it was to hold his breath when his heart was beating out of his chest with awe, but he was willing to try.

They sank under together. Louis’ eyes fluttered closed, and he started to sing again.

When Louis sang underwater, it was impossibly different. It was earthy, driving like the waves. The sounds and rhythms reverberated through the water, through Harry. It felt like ancient magic.

Harry kept interrupting the spell to breathe, but it was still intoxicating. He would have listened forever while he watched Louis sway, lost in the music, but eventually the sun was too high to stay. People would be on the beach soon.

He got Louis’ attention by kissing him. Harry stood, pulling Louis above water with him. It was all salt, warmth, and _Louis_.

“You are amazing, Lou. You’re just—amazing.” Louis blushed and tried to duck down against Harry’s neck, but Harry held him in place by his shoulders. He couldn’t bear to stop looking at him. “Thank you for singing for me. It was beautiful.”

“You’re welcome,” Louis finally murmured, and Harry let go of his shoulders to embrace him. 

He left unwillingly and spent his entire yoga practice lost in the memories of Louis' songs.

~~~

A few days later Louis arrived with someone else.

“This is Liam, my best friend,” he said.

Harry waved shyly at the second mermaid. “Nice to meet you!” The mermaid smiled.

“I thought you might like to hear us sing together, like we do in the choir.”

Harry could feel his eyes light up. “Wow! Yes of course! Please sing!”

“Underwater, silly,” Louis said with a teasing smile. 

“Right! Okay, I’m coming.”

This time when Harry sank down under the water, he was met with something even more transcendent. Louis’ sharper tone shone against Liam’s timber. He almost forgot to take breaks to breathe.

It was only a week later that he surprised Louis with his scuba diving equipment. They swam together underwater, but it was hard to hear Louis speak around the noise of the gear, and try as they might, they couldn’t safrey. It just didn’t work. They returned to the beach exhausted and frustrated.

 _Fuck._ Harry had been so hopeful. His diving classes weren’t the gift he had meant them to be, but he wasn’t giving up yet. “Lou, will you sing for me? I won’t have to go up for air.”

Louis smiled softly and pressed a kiss to his hand. “Okay, love.”

~~~

When his mother needed to tend to hatchlings, Louis had to stay with the younger siblings. Of course he did, but it was hard to be left sitting alone on the beach, waiting. There was no way to know Louis was okay or tell him anything. Instead, Harry started writing down the things he would have told Louis those mornings. He could read them to Louis later, but most of the time, he didn’t bother. Those little things—what he made for lunch and what his sister told him on the phone—felt silly and unimportant in retrospect.

On the days he couldn’t see Louis, he found himself googling witches and mermaids, going deep into internet forums and blogs. There were moments when he was half-mad with longing when he felt like he would give anything to be with Louis... but he knew that wasn’t really true.

Once, Louis didn’t come to the shore for three days. On the fourth morning, a figure appeared and Harry ran into the surf, but came up short when he saw the face. It was Liam.

Liam’s voice sounded creaky and odd when he said, “Hello.”

“Hi,” Harry said, breathless with a sudden dread. “Is Louis okay?”

Liam looked confused, and Harry realized he might not know much English. Liam opened his mouth and spoke carefully, “Louis is fine.” He squinted at Harry, asking if his message meant something. Harry nodded encouragingly. Relief evident, Liam continued, “Miss you. See you soon.”

That was all he got, but it tided him over until finally, finally, Louis came back to the shore, back to Harry.

~~~

No matter how many months passed since Louis had first revealed himself, Harry didn’t get used to him. Louis was the most breathtakingly beautiful man, creature, _being_ that Harry had ever seen. Touching him was something he did reverently. Being touched by him was something he still could barely process. Sometimes he felt like a 16-year-old again—quaking, awestruck, and about to come in his pants.

Harry couldn’t give Louis pleasure the way he wanted to. They weren’t compatible that way. So when he hardened against the heavy muscular curves of Louis’ body, he always bit his lip and swallowed the dizziness. He didn’t follow that urge. Instead, he savored the feeling of him under his fingertips and how fervently he returned every caress and kiss. It was still so piercingly wonderful.

But one night, as Louis tangled his hand in Harry’s hair and cradled his body, half-limp from the euphoric fizz in his limbs, he brushed their hips together purposefully. Sucking his lip into his mouth, Harry stifled a moan of pleasure. Louis circled his body up against Harry’s bulge again, dark eyes locked on Harry’s. This time he couldn’t contain the whimper of desire or the way his hips bucked up toward Louis. He didn’t want to take what he couldn’t give, but then again, he hadn’t been the one to start this.

Louis almost growled before surging to kiss him. He moved, slowly, deliberately against the place where Harry wanted him most and held him tightly as he arched and writhed, unable to escape the overwhelming pleasure. He was surrounded, consumed, by Louis.

Harry realized at some point that Louis was watching him come undone, fingers tracing his lips and jaw softly. Somehow that tenderness was what pushed him over the edge. He came clutching Louis to his chest, small cry lost to the sound of the waves.

Soft lips pressed against his own, so loving and warm, and he urged his body to recover so he could respond. They lay there, kissing and breathing and holding each other for a long time.

When they parted, Harry brushed Louis’ hair out of his eyes and whispered, “Thank you. That was amazing.” Louis blushed and ducked down to mouth at his neck. “I wish I could return the favor,” Harry sighed.

Louis raised his head just enough for his annoyed expression to be apparent. “I don’t do that. That’s a human thing. And besides, I just want to give you this.”

Harry drew circles on his back. He didn’t want to fight. He just wanted to reciprocate. He was never a lazy lover before, and it didn’t sit right. “Thank you. Just,” he paused thinking about how to communicate this properly, “promise you will let me know if there is something I can give you.”

Louis huffed a laugh against his neck. “That’s… I’m not sure what I want is a good trade for a little action.”

And, well, Harry could imagine a lot of things Louis could want that he couldn’t—or wouldn’t—give him. He hated it. So he just held him tightly, chest pounding with a million thoughts he didn’t know how to put into words.

~~~

Harry normally spent ten days with his family over Christmas and New Year. He couldn’t come up with a good excuse to not go, and he _did_ want to spend time with them, so he kissed Louis goodbye, whispered every sweet thing he could, and drove up to his mother’s house.

Sitting around playing games, singing songs, and drinking spiked eggnog with people he loved was fun. Opening presents and posing for photos in matching pajamas was, too. He got to nap with the cats and go fishing with his dad and tease his sister. It was good, of course, but somehow that made it worse. He just wanted Louis to be there, too.

He missed him so much that he almost cried over a photo album in the middle of the living room. His mum’s old best friend had _such_ blue eyes.

The worst part was when people tried to cheer him up. Everyone asked him questions about his life he couldn’t answer. He felt like a surly teenager when he ignored their questions or said, “Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine.” Eventually, they gave up asking, which hurt, too.

On New Year’s Day, his mum hugged him goodbye with a confused expression. “See you soon, darling,” she called after him. Harry waved but didn’t slow his footsteps. He was out of the driveway and on his way to Louis in seconds.

They reunited with a searing kiss. Harry found himself straddling Louis in the surf, tenderly cradling his face. “Lou…Lou, I love you so much.” Harry stayed at the beach and held Louis until the sun rose, unwilling to stop touching him. He would hold him forever, if he could.

~~~

They were at the pub like any normal Thursday when everything changed.

Cara came careening into the bar with Ashley’s hand in hers. She had mascara tracked down her cheeks, but the biggest smile on her face as she threw their hands in the air and yelled at the top of her lungs, “WE JUST GOT ENGAGED!” The whole bar started clapping, but she barely seemed to notice. She was pressing her forehead against her fiancé’s, laughing and starting to cry again.

Harry’s stomach clenched, throat tightening. Cara kept shouting, "She’s going to marry me! I love her!” The hoots and hollers sounded far away. Harry blinked hard, trying to force the world around him into focus again, but it didn’t work. He felt like someone had tipped the ground; he was a box of marbles falling off the shelf.

People were hugging. Drinks were being passed, toasts made, but Harry could barely remember his own name. He sat there, trying to respond appropriately when addressed, trying to smile, even when everything seemed to be moving in slow motion through his mind.

There were no words for this type of bone-deep grief. He’d always known, somewhere in the back of his head, but now it was impossible to ignore.

_Louis could never be his._

When he begged off to go home, Niall just rolled his eyes, used to him leaving early. It wasn’t until he was outside, breathing in cool night air, that he started to feel less ill. His world slowly shifted back to horizontal, but his chest still ached.

He started walking and didn’t stop until five miles later when he arrived at his door. He collapsed on his front steps and started crying, deep sobs that shook his whole body.

~~~

The sun felt accusing the next morning, pricking at Harry’s skin as it eked above the horizon. Everything else was horribly numb.

He’d walked through what he would say a dozen times, but he still couldn’t make it make sense. What he knew was that he wanted a person to share his life with, someone who could go on double dates with him and sleep beside him. He wanted someone he could introduce to his family and friends. Someone he could make a family with. Someone he could build a life with.

He couldn’t keep doing this with Louis.

Every day he just loved him more. Even when they fought, even when things were hard, he always wanted him. But he couldn’t have him, not the way he longed to. He had to start living in the real world. He had to go date people, humans with two legs, humans whom he could have a real future with. He couldn’t keep chasing the sweet creature from the ocean. He had to give Louis up.

When Louis arrived, he crawled out of the ocean with a smile, radiant as ever. He curled around Harry and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Morning, love.”

Harry nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He allowed himself these last few moments of Louis pressed against him before he turned to face him. Louis’ eyelashes sparkled with tiny drops of water. His gaze was unguarded and so unbearably loving.

Harry almost couldn’t do it, but then he thought about Cara and the words slid off his tongue. “Lou, I know this is sudden, but—” He swallowed and tried not to catalog the way Louis stiffened, head drawing back, forehead creased. “It’s not you, of course. You’re wonderful. I just—I can’t do this anymore.”

Louis reared back, arm dropping from Harry’s shoulders. “Can’t do what? Us?”

“Yeah, us. I just can’t keep seeing someone who isn’t part of my world. I can’t keep the secret anymore.”

“Oh.” It was a tiny noise, barely a breath. Louis looked small.

“I am so sorry, Lou.” Harry’s voice broke on his name. He looked at the ocean and tried not to let himself cry. “I think this will be better for both of us, anyway. We can find someone more appropriate for our lives.”

There was a long beat of silence. “I thought you loved me.”

All his mind could think was, “ _I do, I do love you,_ ” but that wouldn’t make this any easier. So instead he said, “That wasn’t a lie.”

“It’s just not enough.” Louis didn’t bother making it sound like a question.

Harry could hear how wounded Louis sounded even if he refused to look at him. “It’s—we’re just not quite right.”

“I think we _are_ right, Harry.”

“Lou, don’t make this harder—”

Louis barked out a bitter laugh. “I’m sorry, am I making it difficult for you to break my heart?”

“I’m not trying to break your heart. I’m just trying to say goodbye.” The last bit came out so soft, barely louder than the waves. He turned to look at Louis finally and saw the tears streaking his cheeks, the horrible ashen color of his skin, the tremble of his hands. “I’m really so sorry. I never, ever wanted to hurt you, but I have to do this.”

“Well, I can’t stop you.”

“No.” Harry stood slowly. “Please take care of yourself… and try to not feel too sad. I really am just a clumsy idiot after all.” He shrugged with a sad little smile.

Louis huffed something almost like a laugh as another cascade of tears fell down his cheeks. “If you’re an idiot, you’re the best one I’ve ever met. I hope you stay that way.”

“I’ll try." Harry hesitated before adding, "Thank you for everything.” He wanted to say so much more. _Thank you for loving me. Thank you for all the times you forgave me. Thank you for letting me be part of your world_. He wanted to hold Louis, but he knew he couldn’t drag this out. He was about to start properly crying soon, and he had to leave before that. “Goodbye, Louis.”

“Goodbye.”

Harry bit his lip hard, letting the pain urge his feet to turn around and walk away. He heard one final splash and turned instinctively, only to see nothing but ocean and sand. Louis was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are so appreciated!


	2. Part Two

Louis clung to his crying rock, staring at the place where the beach grass was tallest, where Harry used to appear. He cried—crying was all he did now—and it was his own fault because he had had so many opportunities to turn away, to say no to something beyond his reach.

His mother had always warned him to be wary of humans. He should have listened. He should have known that even humans without hooks or nets could hurt you, that even their words and soft glances could carve your heart right out of your chest.

It was never something he planned. Louis wasn’t _trying_ to make his life harder. He might have hated everything, including himself some days, but he wasn’t being deliberately masochistic when he started chasing the only thing that could make everything worse. It just happened.

He was clinging onto his crying rock back then, when it started. (Yes, he had a crying rock—crying underwater just had none of the drama.) The rock was far enough from everyone else to be private and close enough to the shore that he could spy on people when he had cried it all out.

That day, Calvin had made a rude comment about how Louis needed to find something useful to do so he would stop pestering the others. It stung because it was true; Louis _was_ keeping them from their jobs while trying to fill his days, and because all Louis wanted was to have a place in their clan and have something to do that mattered. The wave of self-loathing had risen inside even as he brushed the comment off, rolling his eyes. When Calvin turned back to his partner and pups, Louis swam to his crying rock and let the waves push him against its side roughly as he sobbed.

He was wiping away snot and trying to stop thinking about how lonely he was when a voice startled him. Peering around the rock, he saw a man so beautiful he almost lost his grip.

The man was prancing through shallow water, singing and spinning in circles with his shoes dangling dangerously from one hand. His curly hair framed his face, lit up like a halo in the warm glow of the rising sun. His smile stretched across half his face, and his dimples were deeper than the caverns on the ocean floor. Looking back, Louis never stood a chance.

After that, he started coming to his crying rock even when he didn’t need to cry. If he had just stopped at any point, just given up looking for the man, everything would have been okay. But instead he waited and watched and realized this man had a routine. He ran every morning along the beach, and every morning, Louis was there. He watched him run, watched him stretch, watched his face go ruddy with exertion and sweat dampen his hair. When he was lucky, he heard him speak. When he was blessed by the gods, he heard him sing.

His voice was deep, warm, and slightly rough. It drew Louis in—he couldn’t stay away.

The first time he got close was an accident. He didn’t even realize he had left his crying rock and swum toward the shore, toward that beautiful voice and the mesmerizing man, until the man stopped singing. Louis dove under the water with a splash and shot off toward deeper, darker waters.

That should have been the end of it, but Louis was stupid. So Louis came to see him every day, and his entire world became watching the stranger, thinking up ways to annoy him, and even—though he would never have admitted this to anyone—imagining the man as his partner. He daydreamed about kissing him, swimming with him, and tangling his fingers in those curls. He knew the adorable way his face crumpled when he was frustrated would be the same one he made if Louis teased him.

Louis was right about that, of course, but he couldn’t let himself think about that right now.

Then the man stopped coming to the beach alone and Louis almost lost his mind. Actually, he probably did lose it… because when the man finally came down to the beach alone and sang, Louis swam closer and crawled onto the beach without a second thought. He probably would have crawled right into the man’s lap if he hadn’t looked up.

And Louis should have fled then, but instead he spoke to him. Louis said he was a mermaid. He learned the man’s name. He touched his guitar. But worst of all? He came back the next morning and the one after that.

But every mistake he made had led him to the most amazing thing he had ever experienced. Louis had gotten to be in love. He’d gotten to kiss a beautiful boy, touch his skin, take him apart and hold him together. He had been loved, cherished, and adored by someone whose laughter felt like naf in his veins. He had gotten to do so many things he never thought he would. And even now, even when he was crying against his crying rock again, hurting more than he ever did before he crawled up that shore, he can’t really regret it.

~~~

When he lost count of how many days he had waited by the shore for Harry to come back, Louis finally gave up. He swam home slowly, feeling every clam of distance he put between himself and the shore.

Calvin welcomed him home with a raise of eyebrows that sent shame sizzling down his tail, but his mother just wrapped him in her arms and let him sob into her shoulder.

Times creaked onward. Giggles and messes multiplied in his house. The choir rehearsed songs Louis had never learned, but eventually he caught on. Liam and Zayn took him out to drink naf and get lost in seagrass. His mother pinched his cheek and gave him extra servings of his favorite meals. He didn’t go to the shore.

Sometimes all he wanted was to forget Harry, to stop remembering the sparkle of his eyes and the deep tenor of his voice. The memories came from nowhere. They popped up like crabs from the sand and pinched his heart in their claws.

He knew it would get easier with time. Everything always had.

When they ran low on a plant that relieved pain he immediately volunteered to go trade with another clan. It was something to do. As he swam through the other clan's water, a man smiled at him, his eyes lingering just a bit longer than necessary, and for a moment Louis thought… _maybe_. There were words on his lips, hope bubbling up in a smile, but then the man scooped up a pup and another man wrapped his arms around them both. The kisses he planted on their cheeks hurt Louis more than they should have.

He wondered if the plant would help with the ache in his chest, but he swam home and handed it over dutifully. There was no use wasting it.

~~~

The most important holiday in their clan approached, and Louis couldn’t wait for the choir to perform. When everyone was gathered, a reverent silence filling in the gaps left behind by the usual murmur of voices and clang of tools, Louis felt powerful. It was better than almost anything under the water.

The final rehearsal was an informal start of the holiday. Anyone who could come brought dinner or work and continued their usual evening activities silently as the choir sang. Louis loved this, loved his community coming together. He felt content standing with his choir and making beautiful music. The next two days promised the comfort of traditions, loved ones, and great food.

When the last note faded and the crowd of listeners turned from their pups or meals to cheer, it felt like they were cheering for him. Except—

Lottie grinned at him, but then turned to her partner, caught up in him. His mother smiled at him, giving him a kiss but then was busy with the youngest pups again. Fizzy said something nice, but then swam off to be with her friends. Louis turned around looking for his own friends only to see Zayn and Liam swimming off, Calvin chasing after his pups, and his other choir mates happily greeting their own family.

It was terrifying how quickly his happiness vanished He felt invisible. Everyone had someone who mattered more than him. He had no one.

~~~

His mind played a constant loop of moments Harry had hurt him and moments he had hurt Harry.

Sometimes it kept him up at night, his mind swirling with anger and then regret. He could have done better. But then—Harry could have too.

He wondered if Harry was back to kissing the radio man. Watching that had been the most painful moment of his life. At least, it was, until Harry broke his heart. 

The worst part about this all was that no-one knew about Harry, so he couldn’t talk about him. Well—Liam knew, and Zayn must have, but they were too busy being in love and Louis didn’t want to dampen it with monologues about his heartbreak. 

His mother only knew he was gone. Charlotte might have suspected—she was always too nosy for her own good. If they did know, they would have thought he was mad. There were very few rules in their clan, but the first one you learned, before you could even swim on your own, was to not be seen by humans.

He felt like he could burst some days, though. So he found ways to talk about it. He asked his mum about human life, about turning, and about her heartbreak when Louis’ dad left her. He’d heard these stories before, of course, but they felt more urgent now.

She patiently talked about living above the water, growing up with legs riding contraptions called bicycles and walking to school. She described loving the ocean, spending almost every day there in the summers. She explored and swam and tanned under the sun, and when she fell for his father it was natural for her to want to go be with him. She had so little to leave behind.

“My best friend was so worried I would change my mind,” she laughed. “I turned for more reasons than just your father. I knew it was a risk, but I also knew to follow my heart.”

“Well, if you did change your mind, it wouldn’t have mattered. What was she going to do?”

“She is a fierce friend. I never doubted I could change my mind, and she would make it happen.” Louis knew his mum still saw her friend sometimes.

“You really never changed your mind? Even when….” The rest went unsaid: _even when you were abandoned by my dad with a newborn pup in a world you barely knew?_

“Even then.” She looked at him with her big blue eyes, so similar to his own. “It was hard at first. My chest ached like there was a stone in it, but I carried on for you, my beautiful boy. The clan welcomed me when they saw what he did. I was a stranger to them until I was in need. By leaving us, he accidentally granted us the greatest gift. This is our home.”

A part of Louis wondered if it was _his_ home, or just the place where he grew up. He loved it, but some days it felt like this world didn’t love him back. He just didn’t _fit_.

Everyone had their role. The strongest among them were hunters or fighters. The hunters provided food for everyone. The fighters patrolled their area, watching for danger and maintaining order. Others cultivated plants and grew things to eat, took care of pups, or built and fixed homes.

But Louis had never been skilled with plants, strong enough to be a hunter or fighter, or crafty enough to be a builder. Men did not usually become pup minders, either, and he did not care much for cultivating plants. He knew he could be the choir director one day, but who knew how long it would be until this director became too old. Louis couldn’t speak the languages of far off clans or humpback whales, and he could never remember what plants to use to treat ailments.

Everyone had their role, except Louis. At least the kids liked his stories.

**~~~** ~~~~

The moon hung full in the sky for the second time since Harry left. The eerie pale blue light reminded him of staying up talking on the shore, enjoying the glow of the fire or watching a movie with the love of his life. It was too much, too dear, to ignore.

He found himself swimming to the shore and, upon finding it empty, crawling onto the sand. Lying on his back, staring up at the moon as waves crashed against his tail, he could almost forget he existed.

Suddenly there was a voice. He swore he heard a voice.

Frantically he turned to crawl back into the surf only to pause. The voice was so familiar. “Harry?”

No answer came. Louis stared in vain across the beach toward the beach grass. Harry must have been close, he reasoned, and without even realizing, he began to crawl.

Sweat beaded on his forehead and his breaths came quicker as he pulled himself up the beach. “Harry?” Louis had to move quickly if he was going to catch him so he pushed himself faster. His arms ached and his tail was starting to feel strange, the way it did when he was too far from water. Worse, the voice hadn’t come again. He couldn’t go any faster, and he wasn’t even sure he could go any further with his leaden tail and trembling arms. He had missed his chance.

Collapsing to the sand, he let out a wail as his vision blurred. If only he could walk, if only he had legs…. The tears began to fall, then, and his fingers carved into the sand as he writhed, gasping around sobs. When his hand brushed a stone, he pulled it from the sand and brought it down with all his fury against his tail. The blow stung but scales fell away. So Louis did it again, and again, and again as his tears kept falling.

Eventually the rock grew slippery with blood, and he lost his grip. It fell to the sand, and he let his arm drop beside it. Nausea came up in waves and his whole body ached. He knew this was what happened when a mermaid left the water too long, but the surf was so impossibly far away.

Louis took a deep shuddering breath before rolling over and trying to inch toward the water. His wound smarted as sand stuck to it, and he could barely hold his head up, but he tried.

If only he had legs…it would be so easy to get back to the water….

Louis was roused by a rush of water as a wave crashed against the shore. Kneeling above him was an unfamiliar woman whose gentle hands smoothed through his hair.

“It’s okay, darling,” she crooned.

Louis startled and tried to wiggle away, but the pain hit him tenfold. He tried to say something to distract from his tail, but his mouth felt gritty and dry like the land.

“It’s okay. It’s okay,” the woman repeated soothingly.

Louis stopped struggling and stared up at her gentle eyes. She didn’t seem shocked by his tail, if he was honest.

“Were you trying to turn?”

Louis nodded.

“I can turn you.”

Louis’ mouth tried in vain to form words again. He settled on nodding again.

“I always knew I would need this one day,” she said with a strange little laugh. She kissed his forehead, then drew a long thin blade that glinted in the moonlight.

Louis’ felt fear streak down his spine like lightning. He couldn’t trust her. He couldn’t trust that.

“Stay still, darling,” she cautioned as Louis squirmed.

Her blade came down then, piercing the middle of his tail. Louis cried out instinctively before he realized that the cut hadn’t hurt. She dragged the blade up and then down, tearing him open. Panting with exertion, she tugged each side back and then pulled something from inside him. It was a leg.  
  



	3. Part Three

It was early when Harry’s mum woke him. She kissed his forehead and said she had to go back home earlier than expected, but before she left, she told him to go to the beach. “You’re not the same without the ocean. Stop running away from something you love.”

Harry was half asleep, but he still wanted to argue. He wanted to tell her she was wrong. He couldn’t go to the beach or he would be overwhelmed by emotions he couldn’t handle.

She fixed him with a stare that left no room for argument. “I expect you to go down to the beach this morning like you used to. Mum’s orders.”

Harry shook his head but smiled as she rose up and said goodbye. He listened as doors opened and closed, and when it was silent again, he sat up and took a deep breath.

It would be his first time on the beach since he broke up with Louis. He had laid in bed for days. He was only just started to feel functional, two months later. Somewhere in the midst of that he started seeing his old coworker, Luke, but he would be lying if he said his heart was really in it. It just seemed like the right thing to do.

His mom said to go like he used to. He would go to the beach, but he would wear earbuds, like he did at the beginning. He could drown out everything other than the sand and the sun.

That was, of course, how he found himself kneeling in the sand over the naked body of an unconscious man who would look so much like Louis, if Louis had legs. He reached out and touched the man, gently shook him. The man’s eyes fluttered open. They were blue and far too familiar for him to stop his mouth in time. “Louis?” His voice cracked around the name. _It couldn’t be._

“Harry,” the man croaked in response. Somehow, it was Louis. Upon closer inspection, his legs had traces of scales, and there was a wound low on his hip, a bruise caked in dried blood.

“Lou, what happened? Is this real? Are you okay?” Questions bubbled out him. His hands shook as he rubbed at Louis’ arms as if to warm him.

Tears swam in Louis’ eyes. He sobbed, “Please.”

Harry didn’t know what that meant, but he knew he needed to take Louis somewhere safe, wrap his fresh limbs in something soft and warm, and take care of him. “Can I take you home?”

Louis nodded. So Harry picked him up in his arms and carried him home, like a shivering, naked bride. As soon as his cuts were cleaned and bandaged, Louis drifted off to sleep in Harry's bed.

Harry canceled everything—no writing sessions, no dinners, no lads’ nights. He called Luke to cancel their third date, explaining something had come up. He didn’t mention that the something had come up from the ocean.

Louis slept for hours. Harry fed him, tended his injuries, helped him get to the bathroom and back, and kept him wrapped in soft blankets. He didn’t pry, didn’t push. Despite Louis’ state, Harry felt amazed to see him there, in his own bed, all soft and sleepy. He felt something like contentment slither in beside his concern. 

The story came out in bits and pieces over the next few days as Louis found his footing, stopped looking so pale and scared. Louis had tried to scrape away his tail. It hadn’t worked… until it did. Louis could never quite explain that part, but his legs were permanent.

Harry drew him baths filled with sea salt and opened the windows so he could hear the ocean. As he gained strength, Harry helped him learn to coordinate his new limbs.

Eventually they went down to the beach. Louis gripped Harry’s hand tight enough to hurt, but Harry didn’t complain, just moved slowly beside Louis, mirroring him as he sat down and put his feet in the surf.

“It’s strange—being here on the sand,” Louis whispered.

Harry nodded, but he didn’t speak.

“I didn’t really plan it, you know. I just… everything hurt.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry whispered.

Louis barely paused before turning to Harry, eyes wild. “Was it the tail? Does this make things different?” He breathed. “Do you still love me?”

“God, Lou. Of course. Of course, I still love you,” he said, voice wavering as he reached out to brush his fingertips against Louis’ skin.

Louis stared at him, tears forming and falling down his cheeks. “Really?”

Harry bit his lip and nodded. “How could I not?”

“Was it the tail?”

“In a way." Harry swallowed. "It was hard to love someone I couldn’t live with or sleep beside or share with my family.... I just knew I couldn’t do it forever.”

“But now I have legs,” Louis said with a little smile.

Harry reached out to brush the tears from his cheeks. “Now you have legs.”

_Now he could do this forever._

~~~

The first time Louis saw his mother after he turned, he cried so hard it turned into hiccups. She just rubbed his back and held him. When Harry met her, he felt embarrassed because he had stolen her son, but when he said as much, she laughed. “You didn’t steal him, love. He was meant to be on the land.” And, well, Harry knew what she meant.

They fell easily into a routine. Every morning Harry would make Louis breakfast while they talked through some human world knowledge. Then, Louis would come write with Niall and him. Niall, to his credit, never asked questions about the strange man Harry introduced as his boyfriend. When Louis didn’t know what a mango was, Niall showed him how to cut it. When Louis accidentally bit into a whole raw fish, Niall just laughed.

In the evenings, Louis would meet with a tutor to practice reading and writing in English. And then it was only fair that Harry also received lessons. Harry could say quite a few phrases in Louis’ language, but understanding when Louis spoke was still hard. Unless he just raised an eyebrow and asked, “Safrey?” Harry knew exactly what that meant.

~~~

Summer afternoons were filled with Louis’ family. They could all linger together at the shore of the island Louis had once brought Harry to, and while surely not the same, Louis seemed satisfied with it.

One of those afternoons, Jay perched near Harry watching the girls play.

“How’s your mother?”

“She’s doing okay. One of the cats was sick for a bit, but nothing too bad.... I wish you could meet her. I think you two would get along so well.”

Jay grinned for a moment. “Oh I think that’s safe to say.”

“Hmm?”

“Did Louis ever tell you how he turned?”

“He…has trouble with the details.”

“You should ask Anne.”

Harry barked out a laugh. “Right. Like she would know.” Jay fixed her gaze on him, unnervingly blank, and Harry realized that he had never told Jay his mother’s name. “Wait. What are you saying?”

“Better ask her yourself,” she said lightly and pushed off into the water toward the others.

Harry sat with that puzzling interaction for a few days before he asked his mum.

She laughed. “Oh, darling, don’t you remember my friend Jay from the photo albums?”

**Author's Note:**

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